Thursday, August 27, 2009

CSI Malaysia

Super Short Talk: I strictly do not condone the use of foul language and vulgarity in real life. I believe life does not need to go that low. But for humour sake, I use it on Barisan Nasional because I cannot find other more suitable words in my vocabulary. This is CSI Malaysia.

Malaysian Fucktologist:
I think Teoh Beng Hock might have commited suicide.

Andrew Ho: Why you think so?

Malaysian Fucktologist: I don't know, I feel like that lah.

Andrew Ho: Do you have evidence to suggest your theory?

Malaysian Fucktologist: No.

Andrew Ho: Do you think you are God?

Malaysian Fucktologist: No.

Andrew Ho: Then clearly what you feel is bullshit. Do you like to eat cibai?

Malaysian Fucktologist: Sometimes yes.

Andrew Ho: I see, after this inquest, I will have to proceed with charging you for contempt of court.

Malaysian Fucktologist: But why?

Andrew Ho: Because your face look like cibai, you theory sounds like cibai, and I don't like man which are associated with cibai.

Malaysian Fucktologist: Like that also can?

Andrew Ho: If I can pull Sivakumar out of the parliament, I can sodomize you in public. (Turn to the judge) My lord, I have a problem.

Judge: What is your problem?

Andrew Ho: I feel the temperature in this room is too cold, can your honour please ask someone to turn the air conditioner down?

Judge: You have to be specific.

Andrew Ho: 24 degrees Celsius.

Judge: Alright.

Andrew Ho: Mr fucktologist, you said Teoh Beng Hock could have commited suicide. Have you interviewed his family members?

Malaysian Fucktologist: Yes, 3 of them.

Andrew Ho: How is Teoh Beng Hock's physiological background.

Malaysian Fucktologist: He does not smoke, drink and was not sick, he was not on any medication or drugs.

Andrew Ho: Do you know he was engaged, and was going to get married?

Malaysian Fucktologist: Yes.

Andrew Ho: If Teoh Beng Hock had jumped for suicide, there should be shoe prints at the window, is that correct?

Malaysian Fucktologist: It is possible.

Andrew Ho: But there were no shoe prints.

Malaysian Fucktologist: He walked on carpet and maybe there was no dust sufficient to leave shoe prints.

Andrew Ho: But Inspector Malik said on the star "" that the place is dusty, he checked, and if someone set foot there, there must be shoe prints left behind.

Malaysian Fucktologist: Okay.

Andrew Ho: You didn't expect me to remember the url didn't you?

Malaysian Fucktologist: No, I didn't expect you to be crazy.

Andrew Ho: Can you tell us about Teoh Beng Hock's shoe?

Malaysian Fucktologist: It flew far away from the body.

Andrew: How far?

Malaysian Fucktologist: I don't know, I didn't measure.

Andrew Ho: Why didn't you?

Malaysian Fucktologist: I expected the police to do so.

Andrew Ho: I also expected my girlfriend to give me a blowjob. She turnt out to be Chrisitian and refuse to engage in pre-marital carnal intercourse with me.

Malaysian Fucktologist: I am sorry, I don't think this information is relevant to this case.

Andrew Ho: Do you think you are God?

Malaysian Fucktologist: No

Andrew Ho: Then clearly what you think is not important. Teoh Beng Hock's shoe was found far away from his body, is there a possibility that someone had dragged him to the window, left his one shoe behind, throw him down the building and then throw the shoe down again?

Malaysian Fucktologist: There is a possibility.

Andrew Ho: Did you check if the shoe had fingerprints?

Malaysian Fucktologist: No.

Andrew Ho: Why not?

Malaysian Fucktologist: I expected the police to to do so.

Andrew Ho: Of course, you expected. Everything that is important you expect the police to do so. And the police probably expected you to do so back. And before anybody started to do anything, all the evidence are ruined.

Andrew Ho: When Teoh Beng Hock fell, his right leg faces the ground. Can I assume that the leg must have suffered fatal injury?

Malaysian Fucktologist: Yes.

Andrew Ho: But no it is not. As I watched the stupid animation from ntv7, it was his head, face, and buttocks which was fatally injured.

Malaysian Fucktologist: The buttocks might be injuries due to the fall.

Andrew Ho: But it can also be injuries due to beating by a blunt wooden object.

Malaysian Fucktologist: It is possible.

Andrew Ho: Why is it that when there are 2 sides of the story, you are always pro towards the idea that Teoh Beng Hock commited suicide and not murdered? Are you trying to cover up?

Malaysian Fucktologist: No, I am not trying to cover up.

Andrew Ho: You took an oath Mr Fucktologist.

Malaysian Fucktologist: I am ready to go to hell.

Andrew Ho: I didn't say you are not. Do you know how to kill a person with a ball point pen?

Malaysian Fucktologist: No.

Andrew Ho: Take out the pen and stab him in the right eye.

Malaysian Fucktologist: I don't think that knowledge is relevant.

Andrew Ho: I am just trying to illustrate how easy it is to kill a person without leaving evidence. And also my theory which goes like this. MACC had beaten up Teoh Beng Hock back and front before his death. They did so in order to force him to be a false witness to accuse the opposition party wrongly. This is coherent with Najib's desperate will to crack down and win back Selangor's state government. There goes his facial injury and the buttocks injury. And in the midst of the beating, someone accidentally knocked up his head too heavily, causing him to die. There goes his head injury. Then to cover up his death, they simply dragged him to the window and throw him out the building followed by the one shoe that was leftover during the drag. But of course, that is just my theory.

(Turn to the judge) And I believe my lord you will go with the theory that Teoh Beng Hock commited suicide although there is no evidence to suggest that?

Judge: What makes you think so?

Andrew Ho: Lingam sent me.

Judge: Of course, whatever you say.

Andrew Ho: Muahahahahahahaha


Be Proud, Be Very Proud of Your Goverment

*This is a work of fiction, at the time written, only 10 days of inquest has been held and only this much jokes can be made. Of course, as the inquest progressed, new information will be revealed but still I stand by my judgement that no justice will be done whatsoever.


Cheong Hao said...

haha...defintely a good joke...i can't even think of something so funny...

Anonymous said...

good one!

Choonie, the Guru said...

My God... Really a waste for not studying law. hahaha...

percival said...

u are the MAN!!!! muahahaha!! it was freaking hillarious mocking the BN!!! i enjoy it very much!!

AnnSecret said...

Maybe you were a bit extreme but I shall not go there because this is extremely GOOD!

Andrew Ho said...


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