Just a Thought

It's been a while since I updated my life. All I've been doing was really writing some erroneous passages and expect people to read. At this rate, I don't even know if people read me anymore. Well, my life...

....is actually good. Except it being very Indonesian. Like how I've known 2 new Indonesians friends again this week, they came to visit KL on a holiday. I don't usually like people that fast, or so to speak, I don't usually like people at all. But surprising I hanged out with them 3 full days and spent the night in their room. Thank God anyway that their visit lasted a few days. Else I'd be much poorer than I'm now since all the freaking Indonesian Chinese I know are freaking rich. Nobody gets as middle class as me when they have businesses like 11 gold and jewelry shops. Which further inspires me, next time, I should venture into businesses too.


Making random friends is always fun for me. It's like one night stand. You come together, you have fun and then you leave. Perhaps you keep in touch, or else, you just move on. But I'm not so bad though, I do keep in touch with people, if I like you. I'll send you a facebook greeting once a year.


Other than that, I turnt 21. Celebration wasn't so much, just had lunch with friends and hanged out. I bet I wont delight so much in birthday celebration again, because I am really getting older. Before 21, I was "growing up" and not "growing old". You see the difference?

I had an awful long sit at starbucks the other night. Rethinking my life. It's just one of those things I do every 4-5 months. I seldom feel so relax. I really don't. Usual days are just usual days, even when you sleep, you don't sleep in that much peace. Busy days are even out of the topic. But I'm having my holiday this week. So I decided to take time and rest a little. I was just staring at the ceiling, like the one in the picture. I was just looking at them. Like you I see woods lining up in different paterns. And I just thought to myself, the only thing that differenciate those woods is how they line up themselves. Like how we're all people, human. The only thing that makes us different or special, is really how we decided to line up our "paterns". It was just a thought.

So I had quite a lot of thinking about "what am I doing now", "where am I heading in life", "where do I want it to be like" and "am I doing it right". I thought we all should just have a little idea of it. It was just a thought.

Redemption

If I've ever told you that I do not care. I was lying. And how could we not be bothered in a world which is so far away from perfect. How could you and I let go of the past if we know it will always be repeated?


I wanted you to be right, right all the way. But how could someone like me who is equally wrong wishes something so naive? We always wanted things our way. But we never bothered, not even for a second, to see others as mirrors which reflect ourselves. Your dirt is my dirt, your sin is my sin. But we're all too quick to judge and too selfish to understand.


A soldier was running from his enemies, when he saw his colleagues that ran even faster and even further than he was, he laughed at them thinking they are cowards. Greater cowards indeed he thought, but was he himself afraid? Not everyone could have turn around and fight, most of us had only succumbed to the temptation of the flesh. We ran as cowards, all of us we ran into it.


At the end of the fight, when all things calmed down for a second. We look back and see what we've done. But it wasn't important anymore. Because people died. Because a piece of our soul was sold to the devil.


At this point of time, we needed no more condemnation. We had already condemned ourselves far before anyone else did. What we needed was redemption......

Today Is My 21st Birthday

And there is no way I am blogging today.

I Can Write Bahasa Malaysia Too!

Sudahlah lepaskan semua. Aku sudah keletihan mengerjarkan mimpi-mimpi yang tak mungkin berlaku. Sesungguhnya, kalau seseorang harus membuat perkara-perkara yang bodoh untuk menjadi dewasa. Rasanya, aku sudah dewasa.


Semakin hari aku semakin tua. Rasanya selama 21 tahun ini, pencapaianku pun tak seberapa. Kemungkinan kehidupanku juga tak bawa seberapa banyak makna ke atas teman-teman di sisiku. Setiap hari kita kan berubah, aku pernah mencuba sebaik yang aku mampu. Namun sebaik yang termampu masih tidak mencukupi.


Aku lebih pandai dari kalian semua dalam soal berpura-puraan. Berlagak baik, menggunakan bahasa sopan, membilang kata-kata manis. Tidak susah jika aku mahu meminta sedikit cinta daripadamu. Aku banyak mencuba, sesaat yang lalu, aku terpikat sama si cantik. Seaat kemudian, aku binggung kenapa hatiku berubah dengan begitu cepat.


Tanggungjawab itu satu perkataan teori sahaja. Jika kau hendak mencari-cari satu hubungan yang mengasyikkan. Yang serupa cerita dongeng dalam wayang-wayang, tanggungjawab harus diabaikan. Ikutilah pergerakkan hatimu dan bermain sewenang-wenangnya. Jika hatimu diremuk pada akhir-akhirnya. Apabila kamu merasai kepiluan yang tidak terhingga. Kamu seharusnya sedar bahawa kamu harus bangun dari mimpi-mimpimu.


Sudahlah lepaskan semua.....


And for those who doesn't understand Malay, this is what google translate thinks I write!


Woe miss everyone. I am tired mengerjarkan dreams may not occur. Indeed, if one must do these stupid things to become adults. It seems like I have grown.


The day I get older. It seems like for 21 years, not even as pencapaianku. Chance of Life did not bring as much meaning for my friends in the "I. Every day, right change, I have tried best I could. But the best is still not affordable enough.


I am smarter than you all in terms of make-puraan. Good posture, using polite language, counting words sweet. Not hard if I want to ask for a little love from you. I have a lot to try, a second ago, I stuck the same beautiful. Seaat later, I binggung why I changed my heart so fast.


Responsibility is a word only theory. If you want to look for a relationship exciting. Similar tales in the movie-movie, the responsibility should be ignored. Follow the movement of your heart and played carelessly. If your heart diremuk end-end. When you feel the emotion that goes. You should be aware that you need to wake up from a dream-dream.


Woe miss all .....


Super Short Note: This passage is for literature purposes only

Next week is my finals. So you know what that means.

Philosophically Right

Super Short Talk: It has been long since I talk about politics, but Chua Soi Lek won the MCA election. So we lose.


Philosophy is a real smart and a real stupid thing. We all know a little about philosophy. We all know about the right things of life. The ones about love, the ones about principles, the ones about how to do things. We all know a little, and we almost never do any of them.


It is exciting to sit down over a cup of coffee and talk about this and that. About the rights and wrongs. It is exciting just as it is nothing. We all know about feelings and about love. And about the right person, but if the world should wait for the "right person" to tie the knot. Most of us will not be getting a life partner at all. It is philosophically right but to perform it is foolishness.


If tonight you have a bad breakup, and it hurt you so much you cannot sleep. It hurts so much you stare at the walls in your room, waiting, just waiting for the feelings to go. But it never does. If you've lost someone and you miss him or her so much. You went down to the mall and you saw something pretty and the first thing you remember is buying for them. If you have gotten to that stage, you'd at least had one valuable lesson about relationship. In an ideal world, I would tell you that what you feel right now is temporary, in a few months or maybe longer, you would finally have to move on. And forget about it, so what you feel at this moment is purely superficial.


To say that makes me philosophically right. But saying that doesn't help. It is as good as I've said nothing. I know it because I've lived through it. You pay a price for a pretty face like this. A dear price.

I've spent nights, depressing nights staring at empty walls. The worst of it is spending a month in my empty apartment with those negative thoughts and emotions in KL while all my housemates went back to their hometown. And I've not really gotten over it. If this is one of the learning process of life, I'd say it sucks. I'd say some people around me sucks too.


It is true that most things in life, are easier said than done. But I know I have to do them. I know I have to summon a little courage here and there. I know I have to learn to be brave. I know I will need a little support from you. I know I need some friends around me. I know foolishness is to ignore all the trees in the forest for one that is already dead. I know it now, but I am not sure if I can still think like this by tomorrow morning.


I was philosophically right. =)