Saturday, June 27, 2009

China is a Hard Place to Live

I recently read a post about China's college entry test in NY Times. And I just thought of quoting parts of the papers and explain to you why you are a loser in exam and ultimately life. For a start, I am a professional in loserism, I'm such a loser I nearly choose to major in it in college.

I never scored straight As in any exam and once scored a "0" for English dictation when I was 5. It's amusing that I am now blogging and you are reading it, some people even think I write good stuffs. While me, I find it difficult to even differentiate between my writings and a piece of shit, I pretty much treat them equal. I play badminton and table tennis, I pretend I know how to swim but I never know how to play "hot" sports like basketball or football. Despite my indisputable charm, I am still struggling to shed a few kilos from my slightly overweight body.

When all things fail, the only hope for me is to be born into a rich and loaded family. Money can't buy happiness, but it can rent it for a long long time says Garfield. But nah, it didn't work out the way I want, as a bonus, I even got a brother who is a kidney patient. What do you call it when you have neither wealth nor health? I call it "lucky to be still alive". Me, you, the rest of the world, we might have our weaknesses and lacks, but I don't see myself as a loser. It is not your lack of achievements which makes you a loser, it is when you choose to let those things define you. That's when you become a loser. A big one.

Beautiful clothes, car and houses are great. Popular brands and fashionable gadgets are excellent. I totally support them but I also think that if a person's self-esteem is build around clothes, shoes and watch. Then that person had hardly found any self-esteem. Anyway this is me, I had in mind started writing to tell you why you are a loser, I end up telling why you are not. I am despicable.

TIANJIN, China — For the past year, Liu Qichao has focused on one thing, and only one thing: the gao kao, or the high test.Fourteen to 16 hours a day, he studied for the college entrance examination, which this year will determine the fate of more than 10 million Chinese students. He took one day off every three weeks.

Families pull out all the stops to optimize their children’s scores. In Sichuan Province in southwestern China, students studied in a hospital, hooked up in oxygen containers, in hopes of improving their concentration.

Cheating is increasingly sophisticated. One group of parents last year outfitted their children with tiny earpieces, persuaded a teacher to fax them the questions and then transmitted the answers by cellphone. Another father equipped a student with a miniscanner and had nine teachers on standby to provide the answers. In all, 2,645 cheaters were caught last year.

If only my dad would do something like that, I would have scored STPM with 4As. And who cares which University is No.1 when China alone has 1900 institutions of higher learning.

The night before the exam, he lingered at his parents’ bedside, unable to sleep for hours. “I was so nervous during the exam my mind went blank,” he said. He scored 432 points out of a possible 750, too low to be admitted even to a second-tier institution.

Silence reigned in the house for days afterward. “My mother was very angry,” he said. “She said, ‘All these years of raising you and washing your clothes and cooking for you, and you earn such a bad score.’

“I cried for half a month.”

Then the family arrived at a new plan: He would enroll in a military-style boarding school in Tianjin, devoting himself exclusively to test preparation, and retake the test this June.

A military-style boarding school, why didn't I think of that? All I did was gave up blogging for 18 months and don't play facebook. (Actually we thought of that but just as a fantasy because you know Najib was the Minister of Defence then, how would we dare to have anything to do with the Military and well, bombs)

Anyway, this is my personal favourite.....

Ms. Li said she learned the hard way about the school’s strict regimen. When her cellphone rang in class one day, the teacher smashed it against the radiator. Classes continue for three weeks straight, barely interrupted by a one-day break.

Yes, the teacher fucking smashed the cellphone against a radiator. I don't even know what a radiator is or why it is there, but yes, she fucking smashed it.

Ms. Li’s breakfast was a favorite among test-takers: a bread stick next to two eggs, symbolizing a 100 percent score.

I'll tell you what I had for breakfast.....

A hot dog cut short wearing a vegetable cap with white buttons signifying the erected penis of a eunuch. No matter how hard you try, you just can't get her high. And that's for today.

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

I Can Rant Like You Too

A few days ago, upon the release of the local public University admission result, I was asked to go to a little gathering with some 20 friends and teachers. From my twitter, it is obvious some has already learnt that I was not accepted into any local public university (which is run by the federal government or the great Barisan Nasional). Normally, when you apply to them, you are required to fill up 8 choices, and the government will try to give you a course from which you choose. If you do not fit into the 8 choices you choose, they will ask if you want to be "lelong", which means they will simply throw you any leftover courses, which often times are useless ones. It is not unusual to see words like "haiwan, tumbuhan or ikan" appearing in your degree when you are being "lelong".

I being a smartass refused to be "lelong" so the government did not give me anything at all. I guess this is liken to what the Japanese call an "honour death". But of course I knew this was coming, so I had made plans earlier. Oh yes, I was going to talk about the gathering.

C.L. is one of my longest friend, to date he has been around for the past 12 years. He is a good student with a above average result of CGPA 3.5 in STPM. After STPM, he tried to apply to NTU, NUS but to no avail. Later, he was admitted into USM to do chemical engineering but for 16 hours only before USM made the infamous blunder and rejected him. Now finally, he was accepted into a public university, but into something he don't like to do, his 8th choice as a matter of fact. So after all these months of mental torture, he is in a state of despair. After much thought, he now decided to take pharmacy in a private institution. That night, he went with me to the gathering, and just before he could take a seat, one the of teachers, a woman (I have to stress this strongly in this case), right away started rambling to him how bad his decision was, how bad his choice of University was, how terrible it is and she continued on and on pouring buckets of cold water for the next 25 minutes if not 30. Her voice literally quacks like a duck. And I was furious to see her do that to my friend.

If it were not for my other 20 ex-classmates and friends who were there, I would have throw some money on the table and left. Ya, just like what you usually see in the movie, it happens in real life. At the end, the only thing I could do was to show a pissed off face, hoping she in her insensitivity will somehow get the hint that people are unhappy. Even friends sitting beside me started to whisper into my ears that she is being bitchy. And WE DON'T NEED THIS RIGHT NOW.

As much as I like to shout "CIBAI" in a empty elevator or joke out loud with close friends over dinner. In public places with usual friends or acquaintances, I still enjoy a certain degree of politeness. It is social etiquette 101. We are gentlemen, we do not rant in public and we do not shout, if there is something we cannot agree on, we take it out gently even if we don't want to. You want to shout, scold, ramble and have sex, we do it in private. Social etiquette 101, 8 years old, English tuition class, grade 3, 1997. You bet the 10 years of English tuition my father sent me is not wasted. I don't know what kind of family some of these people come from. Even today, my father would still constantly say things like "don't quarrel with your friends, don't be rude with people outside" to me.

Men love women, we love sweet women that say nice things, that are polite, that know how to carry themselves around. The kind of women we are afraid of are not fat women or ugly women. We are afraid of women that will "SIA SOI" us in public. We are afraid of their mouth and the things they say, their 9 feet long tongue that may embarrass us in any way. Don't ask why men like to gather around men and talk among themselves most of the time. Because our "water face " is very important, can you please not drop it for us? We don't ask very much really, we will do nice things in return, just give us a little peace sometime.

Proverbs 25:24 "It is better to dwell in the corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman in a wide house"

In 2009 68.9% students who are admitted into Local Public University are Malay, 25% are Chinese, the rest are Indians and other races. Malay students were admitted via Matrculation, Chinese and Indians were admitted via STPM. Don't even get me started on which type of people get what kind of course, but anyway welcome to 1Malaysia.

Friday, June 19, 2009

EL NiNo Burito is Spanish

The weather in Kuching is getting warmer than ever. God must be punishing us for supporting BN. I knew this would happen somehow when you vote for the wrong team. Now that Satan has taken over us, we will all be burnt up. This is clearly the only logical explanation I could have think of.

I believe many of us do not know how to read a weather report properly. So allow me with the little that I know enlighten you. First of all, don't read it.

If you want to know the current weather just look out at the window.

Both you and I know very clearly, the reason we have weather reports on our cellphone is for show offs. We are Malaysians, we do not appreciate the nature, we do not go for picnic outings, we do not lay a piece of stupid cloth in the park, sit on it and eat sandwich while discussing the latest show on Disney channel. Instead we complain about hot weather in an air-coned room.

What about tomorrow, we want to know the weather tomorrow so that we can make plans in advance. This is Malaysia, you expecting a blizzard anytime soon? We are Malaysians, if we want to go shopping it doesn't matter if a volcano erupted in the middle of the mall. As long as the lava doesn't get us, we continue shopping. That having said I will marry anyone who can pick me the overprice blue check shirt in Esprit. Depending on whether it is American size or not, I sometimes wear XL, but on the record, I will tell you I only wear L because I am slim, hot, beautiful, sexy and you have never met me. If you see someone who resembles me but weight around let's say 80kg on the street, don't bother wondering, it's definitely not me. What was I saying again, yes, hot weather.

The weather is so hot, I can sweat even when I'm taking a shower. Besides my theory of we getting punished for voting Satan, there is of course some other trivia reported in the newspaper. They call it the El Nino phenomena. The last El Nino phenomena happened in 2006, ended in early 2007. And now it is back in 2009 because we voted Satan. So it seems this is an unusual phenomena where the pacific ocean warms up and part of southeast Asia goes warm with it. Of course I could have explain this more thoroughly with you if I am a meteorologist, but the problem is I'm not. Sorreee.

It has been a long time since I visited xiaxue's blog. I didn't even know she changed her blog template. When I visited it for the first time after 2 years of absence, I nearly fell off my chair at the bombastic header which is her picture. In comparison to her, I definitely lack many qualities to be a bimbly popular blogger who is just spectacular. Some say it's craptacular, I think it's fair.

To think about it, I should have just put this as my header.

But of course, I certainly don't dream that much to be a popular blogger anymore. Gone are the days of me indulging on such wishful thinkings. Nowsaday I focus more on Hollywood. I could have write very good sitcoms and shows. Unfortunately I'm just one of the many people who are stumbled by geographical reasons. When you are born in Satan's turf, you can't really do much but to grow as a devil. Or maybe demon. I wonder if it is just me but I kept thinking this picture looks very much alike Su Qi.

Monday, June 15, 2009

Let's Teach English in Malay

Asked about the possibility that the policy on the teaching of Mathematics and Science in English would be scrapped Dr Mahathir said: “I feel very sorry. In future, all Malays and Malaysians will be stupid.” - The Star

The Education Minister said it was a revelation to him as he had always thought that it was a prerequisite (one have to pass English in order to pass SPM) since students had to learn English in school.He was also shocked to learn that national schools no longer taught English grammar - The Star

I am one of those privilege student, who got to experience teaching of science and mathematics in both languages, English & Malay. Up till form 5 I study them in Malay and form 6 in English. I do not think any parent can qualify themselves to comment on this matter more than I do. They sit on the rooftop and speal, I went to the war and bleed.

I have to agree with Dr Mahathir that in future all Malays and Malaysian will be stupid, not that we are very smart to begin with. Just even more stupid if we scrapped off the importance of English. The language is by far the world's language. Even though Mandarin is gaining a more important role, it is still 50 years behind to even come close to rival English. The Malay language on the other hand, is only important to preserve the precious culture and history of the Malay people.

I speak, read and write in all 3 languages fluently. Which again put me on top of the chain to comment because a majority of Malaysians don't do so. No kidding, bite me.

It is true when some argue that no nation in the world has ever become smarter, or invented greater things just because they adopted another language. I am amused they actually think Malaysians would ever have the chance to create, invent or achieve great discoveries. Our nation is so far left behind that we are now at best, only able to imitate and follow the footsteps of others in achieving greater substance. Not in my lifetime will Malaysia be able to come up with something so amazing it can impress others.

Look at our Malaysian Guinness book of records and see what you can find. The only thing Malaysian can truly do is coming up with the tallest things, biggest things, longest things. Like the biggest roti canai or the longest Kuih Lapis. When was the last time we patented a marvellous invention. When my brother, the so called scholar from the most prestigious University in Malaysia wanted to patent his method of producing bio-diesel with jathropha seeds. He was restricted because an American had already patented something similar beforehand with soya beans.

We need to adopt the English language. Not that I hate the Malay language, if I am truly racist, I would have uphold Mandarin instead of English. We have to admit that English is a more versatile language and is able to express more accurately than Malay which is at best a lingua franca. A simple language to help communications in ancient tradings. It amuses me when I see poets like A.Samad Said, going around and shout that the goverment is killing the Malay language. We are not interested in killing the Malay language. Neither the goverment nor the Chinese. You can blame the goverment all you want, I enjoy seeing them die, but Chinese people do not, will not, and will never do things that does not directly or indirectly benefit ourselves. The death of your culture does not benefit us a bit.

I think we should preserve the Malay language and we are doing it well. Like we are making passing Bahasa Malaysia as a compulsory to pass SPM. We also teaches history and moral in the Malay language. Which is good. But when it comes to scienctific subjects, we have to learn how to compromise in order to improve, the uses of English is far better. Obviously the Malay literature association who shouted loud against the usage of English in Science and Mathematics do not understand such things because they engulfed themselves in too much literature the only person who seems right are themselves. What can I say....

I am very much of a poet too.



Saya suka pakai Blackberry
Awak suka pakai Nokia
Asyik ingat orang nak awak mati
Perjuangan akhirnya tetap disia-sia

Terbit siang terbit malam
kolek-kolek sampan mengayuh
Jangan sebab bahasa awak terbeban
Janganlah sesekali mencabar Kerajaan

Whatever it is, just don't use Mandarin to teach science & maths. Chemistry in Chinese is horrible. Mandarin, cantonese, hokkien at best should only be a communicative language used to tell dirty jokes . Poets, scientist, a life is not complete unless you've tasted a little bit of both worlds, karp pui!

Thursday, June 11, 2009

What do you mean when you say I am going to become "nothing"

Make yourself a cup of coffee for this is going to be a long fun ride......

Sleep comes easy to me most of the nights. But there are nights when I lie in bed and no matter how hard I try I just couldn't go to sleep. I don't know if it's just me or everybody else does that too. At that point of time, my mind will most certainly start to wander around and think of the most ridiculous ideas. Most of them are not important, most of them are petty and all of them are irrelevant.

For example I thought of how it will be when I die. I imagined the last moments of my life and thought it through. Technically I rehearsed it, remind me to tell that to my children. "Oh boy, I'm just dying, don't be so emo, I've rehearsed this scene over and over again since I was 18. And don't try to comfort me with some biblical phrases, when I was 20, I had the mind of Socrates, now that I'm 75, no one on earth is wiser than me, now, can you go check if kennysia is still updating his blog? No way he gets to live longer than me, damn it"

I know it's very irrelevant to think about death and growing old when my penis has practically never seen a vagina. But I couldn't sleep. Who are we kidding after all, both you and I know the day will finally come, haven you give it a thought? Of course, I didn't write this post just to tell you to think about the day you're going to die, I think we have a common understanding here that I don't care about other people except for myself. No kidding, it took a lot of effort, sweats and tears for me to learn how to be ignorant and selfish. No one is born evil, we just pick it up along the way. Hahaha. So in one of those sleepless nights, I thought to myself "what's next after I die?" "Will I be in Heaven?" "Is Heaven real?"

Hey hey hey, don't panic, I am not going to preach Jesus here. Your salvation is absolutely none of my concern. And I really mean it, do you think I care if you go to hell? Wait, let me close my eyes and seek my conscience a minute.... Ummm.........Nope. I don't really care.

Some people believe in Heaven, some people don't. Many people believe when they die, they will just be gone and become "nothing". And boy, it is very hard to illustrate "nothing", because there is literally nothing to illustrate. But hail to the Lord in one of those sleepless nights, I saw it. And I refuse to believe it. I refuse to believe that when I die, I will become "nothing". And I refuse to believe that when you die, you will become "nothing" too. If you'd see it my way, you'd do the same.

Do you remember where were you or what were you doing in 1889? Do you remember how the world was like that year? No you don't. Because you didn't exist during that time. But history told us that in 1889, there was an eclipse seen over parts of California on the 1st of January. The Coca-Cola company was founded the same year and Eiffel Tower opened for the first time in Paris. But where were you? During that year, Nitendo was founded and plenty of boys as pretty as Zac Efron played it, lived it, woman that sang like Mariah Carey also lived and boobs bigger than Pamela Anderson were. But we don't know their names and we don't know how pretty they looked, because in 1889, we were "nothing". We had no memory.

100 years later in 1989 as prophesied, I was born. I, like you guys, literally became "something" from "nothing". I am proud to say that I was nobody then, I am somebody now, not that I did something great but because I was born. I had missed 6000 years of civilisation, I missed 6000 years of Pamela Anderson and Zac Efron with different faces but the same quality. Today I am here, living and writing to you. And you Mr World, if you with all your genius is telling me today that my life here is going to last just another 50 years. And after that I will die and become nothing again. Exactly like what I used to be 100 years ago. If that is true, then I will really like to die now.

This life is not worth living if at the end of the day, we're all just gonna die and disappear into thin air. What's the point of living this life when suffering, challenging, hard earth life is the only thing we get. When I think with my head, it is already very hard to sum this earth and all that's in it into mere science. And it is even harder when I lay by the beach and see the stars in the night and the constellation in the sky. I cannot become nothing once again. When God decided to create me and make me me, I cannot just snap into thin air like I have never existed before.

The little twinkling star that you see at night, if you go close enough, it is really a freaking giant fireball. Science cannot procreate itself, God can. Therefore I believe God created me. And He intend for me to live on. You too.

The whole idea of God, some people find very hard to believe in. We always want to try to rationalize things out, turn everything explainable in science, and anything unexplainable with such we call it bullshit. Have it ever occurred to you, that we in all our intelligence, still there are certain things we just cannot comprehend, no matter how hard we try? No, because you are human and you think are smartest of all.

Let me put it this way, have you ever tried teaching a dog how to read? No, because you know dogs in all their genius and intelligence, JUST CAN'T READ. And you're right. So why is it so hard to believe that there are certain things we just cannot comprehend?

I hope I've painted you a picture with my 1000 words here. Don't believe the numbers? Count it dawwwwg.

Sunday, June 7, 2009

Education Here In Malaysia

Super Short Talk: Inti College's website was hacked recently.

Going to college is always cool when you watch those Ang Moh people in the Ang Moh movies. But in Malaysia, going to college is no Hollywood production. We are talking about real 3rd world schools run by a crazy Government. Of course, if you're fortunate to secure a scholarship or simply rich enough, you can always spend money to experience some first class education in a first world country with some cool weather, which I am totally supportive of. Rich people should always enjoy and poor people should always suffer. That's how this world function and it shouldn't change. It actually sounds kinda cruel when I say it out like that.

Harvard Law School is not your regular school

Boy two of my good friends and were accepted into USM (The Science University of Malaysia) to do engineering courses. And boy again the engineering campus of that school is located so far away from the Main campus, it is located in an outskirt town. The address ends with Nibong Tebal Seberang Perai Penang. And this is the worst clip I've ever watch introducing a campus.

In our many conversations, there were excerpts like "the hostel room is so small, if u sleep on top of the double decker bed and jump up in the night, there is a chance the ceiling fan will cut your head off". "USM engineering faculty is in the jungle, there's a kind of ant there that can leave rashes on your skin if it climbs and walk pass it." "Har? If it climbs down your body from your forehead, then how?"

Now you know why UM (University Malaya) is still the best Public Uni in Malaysia? To hell with the number of journal they publishes each year, it's located 5 minutes from Mid Valley, of course it's good. No creepy ants.

But Public Uni is cheap. It is so cheap you can basically call it free. A few of the popular ones are located near the city while the rest are all over the map. In Malaysia, we don't refer every school as "college" like the States does. The government separates them clearly as "Polytechnics", "College", "University College" and lastly "University". Whereby their ranks and status rises in that particular order too. So where am I going? I am going down the cliff because USM didn't even accept me. Technically, I am not even qualified to study in Nibong Tebal Seberang Perai Penang. Hahaha.... I see my career path has been wind down to .....

Technical Error: Initially both my classmates checked their application status online at the USM website on the 29 of May. On that day they were told that they were accepted into the University. I had also written this post at the same time. But 18 hours later, when they checked their application once again, they were dropped from the acceptance list. And USM posted this on their website:


Calon-calon diminta membuat semakan terkini keputusan kemasukan ke USM mulai 30 Mei 2009 jam 4.00 petang. Calon yang TIADA dalam senarai atau TIADA dalam maklumat berjaya adalah GAGAL mendapat tempat di USM dan akan dipertimbangkan di IPTA lain.

Bagi calon yang berjaya, sila hantar LAMPIRAN A dan Lampiran A1 selewat-lewatnya 8 JUN 2009.

Kesilapan teknikal ini dan segala kesulitan amat dikesali.

In short, USM regreted for a technical error and that the first round of acceptance notice were just a false alarm. Another friend of mine said she had booked Rm600 worth of air ticket back and forth to Penang only to find out that her name were dropped later. I am sure this doesn't just happen to a few of my friends, the school accepts thousands of student each year, so if they put this kind of crap notice out. It gotta be crap.

So technically, my post is irrelevant anymore since my friends aren't going there. Fuck USM. Some of us poor Chinese students are very pitiful one, you cannot play with us like that. Education is a big deal because it is the only way to get out of our poverty. Malay people, fucking gave them all the chances for the last 50 years and they still say they are poor, why are you screwing us like that?! How many more years should we give you, 500? It's all BN's fault!

APEX University My Ass

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Asian Tigers & Shrimp Paste

Hong Kong Skyline, Dense & Metropolitan

Seoul Skyline, Futuristic & Glaring

Singapore Skyline, Innovative & Exciting

Kuala Lumpur Skyline, 1 2 3 TANGKAP!

Kuching Skyline
, Egg, Chicken & Shrimp Paste

Can you imagine how different life would be if you're living in a metropolitan Hong Kong or a shrimp paste Kuching?

Monday, June 1, 2009

Bonus Post

The News Paper reminded me that today is Hari Gawai. So Selamat Hari Gawai!

Eh Sorry, Newspaper folded. Here we go again, Selamat Hari Gawai!

That's better......