China is a Hard Place to Live

I recently read a post about China's college entry test in NY Times. And I just thought of quoting parts of the papers and explain to you why you are a loser in exam and ultimately life. For a start, I am a professional in loserism, I'm such a loser I nearly choose to major in it in college.


I never scored straight As in any exam and once scored a "0" for English dictation when I was 5. It's amusing that I am now blogging and you are reading it, some people even think I write good stuffs. While me, I find it difficult to even differentiate between my writings and a piece of shit, I pretty much treat them equal. I play badminton and table tennis, I pretend I know how to swim but I never know how to play "hot" sports like basketball or football. Despite my indisputable charm, I am still struggling to shed a few kilos from my slightly overweight body.


When all things fail, the only hope for me is to be born into a rich and loaded family. Money can't buy happiness, but it can rent it for a long long time says Garfield. But nah, it didn't work out the way I want, as a bonus, I even got a brother who is a kidney patient. What do you call it when you have neither wealth nor health? I call it "lucky to be still alive". Me, you, the rest of the world, we might have our weaknesses and lacks, but I don't see myself as a loser. It is not your lack of achievements which makes you a loser, it is when you choose to let those things define you. That's when you become a loser. A big one.


Beautiful clothes, car and houses are great. Popular brands and fashionable gadgets are excellent. I totally support them but I also think that if a person's self-esteem is build around clothes, shoes and watch. Then that person had hardly found any self-esteem. Anyway this is me, I had in mind started writing to tell you why you are a loser, I end up telling why you are not. I am despicable.

TIANJIN, China — For the past year, Liu Qichao has focused on one thing, and only one thing: the gao kao, or the high test.Fourteen to 16 hours a day, he studied for the college entrance examination, which this year will determine the fate of more than 10 million Chinese students. He took one day off every three weeks.


Families pull out all the stops to optimize their children’s scores. In Sichuan Province in southwestern China, students studied in a hospital, hooked up in oxygen containers, in hopes of improving their concentration.


Cheating is increasingly sophisticated. One group of parents last year outfitted their children with tiny earpieces, persuaded a teacher to fax them the questions and then transmitted the answers by cellphone. Another father equipped a student with a miniscanner and had nine teachers on standby to provide the answers. In all, 2,645 cheaters were caught last year.

If only my dad would do something like that, I would have scored STPM with 4As. And who cares which University is No.1 when China alone has 1900 institutions of higher learning.

The night before the exam, he lingered at his parents’ bedside, unable to sleep for hours. “I was so nervous during the exam my mind went blank,” he said. He scored 432 points out of a possible 750, too low to be admitted even to a second-tier institution.

Silence reigned in the house for days afterward. “My mother was very angry,” he said. “She said, ‘All these years of raising you and washing your clothes and cooking for you, and you earn such a bad score.’

“I cried for half a month.”

Then the family arrived at a new plan: He would enroll in a military-style boarding school in Tianjin, devoting himself exclusively to test preparation, and retake the test this June.

A military-style boarding school, why didn't I think of that? All I did was gave up blogging for 18 months and don't play facebook. (Actually we thought of that but just as a fantasy because you know Najib was the Minister of Defence then, how would we dare to have anything to do with the Military and well, bombs)


Anyway, this is my personal favourite.....


Ms. Li said she learned the hard way about the school’s strict regimen. When her cellphone rang in class one day, the teacher smashed it against the radiator. Classes continue for three weeks straight, barely interrupted by a one-day break.


Yes, the teacher fucking smashed the cellphone against a radiator. I don't even know what a radiator is or why it is there, but yes, she fucking smashed it.


Ms. Li’s breakfast was a favorite among test-takers: a bread stick next to two eggs, symbolizing a 100 percent score.


I'll tell you what I had for breakfast.....

A hot dog cut short wearing a vegetable cap with white buttons signifying the erected penis of a eunuch. No matter how hard you try, you just can't get her high. And that's for today.