Monday, August 31, 2009

Merdeka Special

Super Short Talk: I am definitely missing my church and the people inside when I am not in Kuching. I am truly humbled by their input in my life. Thanks to you all in Sib Grace.

Convert this bill and I am worth Rm350

I love Malaysia. I love this multi-cultural country. I love the fact that we are different and yet manage to live together in chaos. I love the Chinese who triumphed under unfairness and discrimination. I love the Malay who take up all the quotas and opportunities to education, business and civil service. I love the Indians, who at most is only 10% of the population yet never give up to fight for themselves. Malaysia is truly a great place to learn how to give and take.

I may not like the system this country is running on. And I shall hate and despise Barisan Nasional for all the days of my life. But nevertheless I love this country. Not because it is good but because I am good. And from this day fourth, let people remember me, as the noble who set aside his political differences to write something good about his country. For this reason, minstrels will write songs about me as history remembers my name.

You may not delight in what I write, but it is alright because I don't care about your opinion. I forgive you. And whoever you are, I want you to know that this step I've taken is a big step , a big step indeed. It is not easy for one like me to love this country, genuinely.

with love from Andrew Ho
a second class citizen in his own country

You want a Merdeka Day Celebration? I watched this clip of Sir Paul Mccartney singing on the Marquee of The Late Show with David Lettermen recently. And I thought it was a really good one. Paul Mccartney is the remaining 2 living Beatles from the band "The Beatles" of course and is a living legend. He's like The Jonas Brothers in year 2050. Just 10 times bigger! Happy Merdeka!

Thursday, August 27, 2009

CSI Malaysia

Super Short Talk: I strictly do not condone the use of foul language and vulgarity in real life. I believe life does not need to go that low. But for humour sake, I use it on Barisan Nasional because I cannot find other more suitable words in my vocabulary. This is CSI Malaysia.

Malaysian Fucktologist:
I think Teoh Beng Hock might have commited suicide.

Andrew Ho: Why you think so?

Malaysian Fucktologist: I don't know, I feel like that lah.

Andrew Ho: Do you have evidence to suggest your theory?

Malaysian Fucktologist: No.

Andrew Ho: Do you think you are God?

Malaysian Fucktologist: No.

Andrew Ho: Then clearly what you feel is bullshit. Do you like to eat cibai?

Malaysian Fucktologist: Sometimes yes.

Andrew Ho: I see, after this inquest, I will have to proceed with charging you for contempt of court.

Malaysian Fucktologist: But why?

Andrew Ho: Because your face look like cibai, you theory sounds like cibai, and I don't like man which are associated with cibai.

Malaysian Fucktologist: Like that also can?

Andrew Ho: If I can pull Sivakumar out of the parliament, I can sodomize you in public. (Turn to the judge) My lord, I have a problem.

Judge: What is your problem?

Andrew Ho: I feel the temperature in this room is too cold, can your honour please ask someone to turn the air conditioner down?

Judge: You have to be specific.

Andrew Ho: 24 degrees Celsius.

Judge: Alright.

Andrew Ho: Mr fucktologist, you said Teoh Beng Hock could have commited suicide. Have you interviewed his family members?

Malaysian Fucktologist: Yes, 3 of them.

Andrew Ho: How is Teoh Beng Hock's physiological background.

Malaysian Fucktologist: He does not smoke, drink and was not sick, he was not on any medication or drugs.

Andrew Ho: Do you know he was engaged, and was going to get married?

Malaysian Fucktologist: Yes.

Andrew Ho: If Teoh Beng Hock had jumped for suicide, there should be shoe prints at the window, is that correct?

Malaysian Fucktologist: It is possible.

Andrew Ho: But there were no shoe prints.

Malaysian Fucktologist: He walked on carpet and maybe there was no dust sufficient to leave shoe prints.

Andrew Ho: But Inspector Malik said on the star "" that the place is dusty, he checked, and if someone set foot there, there must be shoe prints left behind.

Malaysian Fucktologist: Okay.

Andrew Ho: You didn't expect me to remember the url didn't you?

Malaysian Fucktologist: No, I didn't expect you to be crazy.

Andrew Ho: Can you tell us about Teoh Beng Hock's shoe?

Malaysian Fucktologist: It flew far away from the body.

Andrew: How far?

Malaysian Fucktologist: I don't know, I didn't measure.

Andrew Ho: Why didn't you?

Malaysian Fucktologist: I expected the police to do so.

Andrew Ho: I also expected my girlfriend to give me a blowjob. She turnt out to be Chrisitian and refuse to engage in pre-marital carnal intercourse with me.

Malaysian Fucktologist: I am sorry, I don't think this information is relevant to this case.

Andrew Ho: Do you think you are God?

Malaysian Fucktologist: No

Andrew Ho: Then clearly what you think is not important. Teoh Beng Hock's shoe was found far away from his body, is there a possibility that someone had dragged him to the window, left his one shoe behind, throw him down the building and then throw the shoe down again?

Malaysian Fucktologist: There is a possibility.

Andrew Ho: Did you check if the shoe had fingerprints?

Malaysian Fucktologist: No.

Andrew Ho: Why not?

Malaysian Fucktologist: I expected the police to to do so.

Andrew Ho: Of course, you expected. Everything that is important you expect the police to do so. And the police probably expected you to do so back. And before anybody started to do anything, all the evidence are ruined.

Andrew Ho: When Teoh Beng Hock fell, his right leg faces the ground. Can I assume that the leg must have suffered fatal injury?

Malaysian Fucktologist: Yes.

Andrew Ho: But no it is not. As I watched the stupid animation from ntv7, it was his head, face, and buttocks which was fatally injured.

Malaysian Fucktologist: The buttocks might be injuries due to the fall.

Andrew Ho: But it can also be injuries due to beating by a blunt wooden object.

Malaysian Fucktologist: It is possible.

Andrew Ho: Why is it that when there are 2 sides of the story, you are always pro towards the idea that Teoh Beng Hock commited suicide and not murdered? Are you trying to cover up?

Malaysian Fucktologist: No, I am not trying to cover up.

Andrew Ho: You took an oath Mr Fucktologist.

Malaysian Fucktologist: I am ready to go to hell.

Andrew Ho: I didn't say you are not. Do you know how to kill a person with a ball point pen?

Malaysian Fucktologist: No.

Andrew Ho: Take out the pen and stab him in the right eye.

Malaysian Fucktologist: I don't think that knowledge is relevant.

Andrew Ho: I am just trying to illustrate how easy it is to kill a person without leaving evidence. And also my theory which goes like this. MACC had beaten up Teoh Beng Hock back and front before his death. They did so in order to force him to be a false witness to accuse the opposition party wrongly. This is coherent with Najib's desperate will to crack down and win back Selangor's state government. There goes his facial injury and the buttocks injury. And in the midst of the beating, someone accidentally knocked up his head too heavily, causing him to die. There goes his head injury. Then to cover up his death, they simply dragged him to the window and throw him out the building followed by the one shoe that was leftover during the drag. But of course, that is just my theory.

(Turn to the judge) And I believe my lord you will go with the theory that Teoh Beng Hock commited suicide although there is no evidence to suggest that?

Judge: What makes you think so?

Andrew Ho: Lingam sent me.

Judge: Of course, whatever you say.

Andrew Ho: Muahahahahahahaha


Be Proud, Be Very Proud of Your Goverment

*This is a work of fiction, at the time written, only 10 days of inquest has been held and only this much jokes can be made. Of course, as the inquest progressed, new information will be revealed but still I stand by my judgement that no justice will be done whatsoever.

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Top 10 Stupid Ideas From Barisan Nasional

10. School girls get raped because their uniform too sexy, they should be punished!

9. Batu Gajah tiap tiap bulan pun bocor!

8. Women should get permission from their family before they go travelling. This is to prevent them from getting cheated into drug trafficking.

7. Cina adalah pendatang asing!

6. Saiful came to my house to apply for a scholarship. And also to tell me that Anwar felt up his ass.

5. To help cope with financial crisis, maybe we pay you half-month salary every two weeks. So every month you can get your 1 MONTH SALARY!

4. Khir Toyo's mansion is 24 million? Nevermind la. Pakatan MP misused Rm2000? What the fuck!? CATCH HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ROAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

3. I do not know that mongolian women.

2. Saya bersumpah, Anwar letak dia punya kuku masuk lubang saya, neh belakang sini, saya show you. (Repeat the clip again and again in Permatang Pauh by-election and lost big time)


On top of that, I just feel very obligated as a Malaysian who loves my country, to paste these videos up. For justice, for rage for whatsoever. People need to be aware and we cannot remain ignorant forever. Politics is not a game, it is a measurement, of the extend of how screwed your life is. I said this once I will say it again, men who don't know politics is a shame. It takes a profound level of ignorance for someone to not care about their own country, to know how it is run and what is happening to it. And FYI, Anwar is my herooooo!

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Much Ado About Nothing

Super short talk: As the ongoing politics show and tell, Tiong, a Barisan MP felt that he has been conned by MCA when he rented Rm1 hostel units to Tar College as a symbolic gesture in support of MCA (Tar College is a subsidiary of MCA). As I was reading Malaysiakini, a reader of them pointed out a funny question. "Azman Zainuddin asked: Did MCA paid the RM1 rent?"

Tabuan's Thompson Corner sells one of the besk laksa in town, opens in morning only.

Of all fat noodles, Udon is my favourite selection

It's pathetic so few stalls sell good chee cheong fun in Kuching

Dried Bak Kut Teh in Kuching SUCKS!

I had this on Najib's birthday for watever reason

And I believe Chinese is indeed the best cook in the world. For if it wasn't because of us, pizza wouldn't have existed. Legend has it that:

"Marco Polo missed green onion pancakes (Chinese Dish) so much that when he was back in Italy (From China), he tried to find chefs willing to make the pancake for him. One day, he managed to meet a chef from Naples at a friend's dinner party and persuaded him to try recreating the dish. After half a day without success, Marco Polo suggested the filling be put at the top rather than inside the dough. The change, by chance, created a dish praised by everyone at the party. The chefs returned to Naples and improvised by adding cheese and other ingredients and formed today's pizza"

But of course it is a legend. Which I believe in bias because I am Chinese. Kuching green onion pancake looks like this,

Pizza version 1.0

Anyway Kuching is set to embrace yet another round of dry spell. It's an irony that the wettest city in Malaysia faces haze and water shortage. I wish you all well in this season, be blessed.

Sunday, August 16, 2009

Bonus Post

Girl Fight @ Kuching Festival

Fighters: 3 Ah Lians

Kung Fu used: The Fighting Girl Cat stance a.ka. 猫爪功

Reason: Who cares, it's a girl fight

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Pause & Ponder

I have been watching so many movies and sitcoms recently, it kinda bored me out already. The thing about movies is you'll never finish watching them all. So I'm going to slow down things a bit as the holiday season of my life is coming to an end. I guess it is time for me to put on my thinking cap and move on with the next chapter of my life.

I really wanted to post up something fun for this post. But then again, as I entertain you, I bored myself. What's the point of having a blog when nobody reads it? But more importantly, what's the point of having a blog when you write only for others and not yourself?

Do you know how I know this is not a perfect world? In a perfect world, I would be prince and you'd be my princess. And we'll both live in our castle at lala land. =D

No, I don't have something particularly thought provoking today. Neither have I great inspiring ideas. If I can cook up something so serious and intense all the time, I would have vomit blood and died long ago.

Today I just feel like having a chat with you. Like those random chats we have with friends. It doesn't have to be meaningful or with a reason. Sometimes people just talk.

When one door closes, many more opens. I live life by chapters and seasons. When one ends, the other begins. The only thing I could ever hope for is to live every one of them to its fullest. So that one day when I look back, I would say "yeah, I have lived my life".

If you are a person that like sitting on a cool park bench and just ponder about things. Or you like taking long walks in the evening just to chill with the breeze. Then we have something in common. We appreciate life. And have absolutely more than one side. =D

Today I pause and I ponder.

Sunday, August 9, 2009

Lemons & Lemonades

Sometimes in life I turn my head around and envy some of the people around me, especially peers who has notably higher achievement than I do. Those whom I think had a better life, who had better opportunities, who are more capable or intelligent. I don't really get jealous, it's more like an admiration in a subtle way.

And for always I have never asked myself or wondered if there are others who think the same way about me. Well I guess maybe not, I've got nothing to be envied of. You must be thinking I have a very low self-esteem. Well let's just say that ship has sailed. Let me put it this way, the last time Satan dropped by to collect my soul, I gave him my self-confidence, self-esteem and dignity instead. I figured those are the things that are pretty useless in life and I don't need it.

A man should speak up straight and stand upright when he knows he is doing the right thing. Irregardless of the opinions and judgement of the crowd. Logic, truth and rationale should come first before emotions. That to me is confidence. Self-esteem is not what others think about you. It is how you wake up in the morning and look yourself in the mirror. Dignity is not how much respect I've garnered from people, it is how much I have given. It is how many times I realized I have been wrong and apologize. It is how many times I know others have wronged me and how I forgive.

Big words like these are not self-explanatory. Even the dictionary doesn't elaborate it to you. And we can spend a lifetime wondering what they really are. I for one let Satan picked it away from me. Confidence, dignity and such as are not things you can keep in your pocket like a key or a wallet. Neither can it be boosted up with material things with let's take for example an expensive cellphone. You suddenly take an HTC cum Apple cum Blackberry out, and your confidence level raises up because you know you are using a cool gadget. That is cheap confidence. Because anyone else can pick up an iphone or better things. But not everyone can speak up straight and stand upright to do what he perceive is right, for what he believes is true.

So what's the deal about me saying I don't need to keep confidence with me. Is it just some kind of witty expression? Now this is logic, the only real power I have, the rest are my imaginations. If you my baby, let the abstract confidence that you think exist in your mind shape up your action, you are weak. And there will be many things you can't do. You will find yourself with a lot of phobias. You will find yourself with a lot of limitations because there will always be a still small voice speaking to you in the head saying "you are not good enough, you are embarrassing yourself, you don't have enough confidence". And that is not good. The only way to be truly confident is to set aside the whole idea of confidence itself and let action dictates.

However life is too short to think about confidence, self-esteem or how big your balls are. The world is not all about competition. Who is the winner or who is the loser. It's about life. When life give you lemons, you make lemonade. Why turn your head around and envy again? Hahaha....

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

"I won't be labeled as average" -- Rachel Joy

Super Short Talk: I wrote this post before Teoh Beng Hock died, so this explains the frequent dead people posts, it pretty much make my blog some sort of a tribunal for dead people already.

Every now and then, you know I like to talk about dead people who died unfortunately. I figured I have by far showed too little gratitude for the life that I have. And I need to constantly remind myself. Not that I have a great life to begin with, it's just well, better than the shit life some people have. Today I just thought I want to share with you about a girl call Rachel Joy Scott.

In one of the deadliest school shooting in US history, Rachel Joy Scott was the first victim. She was 17 years old when she were shot multiple shoots to death. Her funeral was televised and the ratings scored higher than Princess Diana's.

On one fine day, her life was taken away. Just like that, there weren't any warnings or a last word. Even criminals and soldiers had better treatment, they get to make a last phone call. She however did not. She was shot while having lunch on a lawn outside school library. She did not have a blog then, but she left behind six diaries and several essays about her belief in God and how she wanted to change the world through small acts of kindness. Shortly before her death, she wrote an essay for school stating, “I have this theory that if one person can go out of their way to show compassion then it will start a chain reaction of the same.

If there is one thing I know about life, I know it has always been a chain reaction. And every action has a reaction, very much like what Newton's third law says about mechanics If the crazy shooter didn't shoot her on that fateful day, she wouldn't have died and I wouldn't write about her today. And she wouldn't be such an inspiration to many others. It's been 10 years since she's dead. But in this world, nobody really dies, they are just merely forgotten. Some easier to forget while others lived on.

And umm, lastly, I really don't like this part of my composition, I don't want to give people the impression that Christians are fanatics. But sometimes shit happens. And I can't possibly downplay that.

"I am not going to apologize for speaking the name of Jesus . . . If I have to sacrifice everything . . . I will." –Rachel Scott

"The Columbine tragedy in April 1999 pierced the heart of our country. We later learned that the teenage killers specifically targeted Rachel Scott and mocked her Christian faith on their chilling, homemade videotapes. Rachel Scott died for her faith. Now her parents talk about Rachel's life and how they have found meaning in their daughter's martyrdom in the aftermath of the school shooting. Rachel's Tears comes from a heartfelt need to celebrate this young girl's life, to work through the grief and the questions of a nation, and to comfort those who have been touched by violence in our schools today. Using excerpts and drawings from Rachel's own journals, her parents offer a spiritual perspective on the Columbine tragedy and provide a vision of hope for preventing youth violence across the nation."

Saturday, August 1, 2009


Super Short Talk: Can you freaking believe the news? Another state assemblymen from Penang died! Another by-election! It is the 8th by-election already! This is freaking hell. Is one of the strategy from Pakatan Rakyat fielding candidates that are going to die soon? Because you know what? That's a good idea! Like I said, it's bloody politics season 2! So let the bloodbath begins!

我鲜少用华文写文章, 应为身边有太多人太傻太天真了, 没法学会华文, 有的连英语也只是半桶水。语言实为沟通之桥梁,没办法掌握语言,便永远无法掌握上乘精良的沟通技巧。 有言说不出, 有语表不了。丛然有万般智慧感想,拿彩的永远不是你。

当然, 这世界不见得一切都要公平, 如果每个人都那莫利害, 那又有谁来吃大便呢?大便总要有人吃的。我的语言好,英语,华语,马来语,样样精通, 但最喜爱的还是英语华语这两个国际语言。我并非马来人,不觉得自己有责任维护和发展马来语。更何况,马来文这个语文,实在是太过下乘,太过不全面了。不适合贵族运用,in other words, not suitable for the nobles. 怎麽了?我这样说,你不爽吧?

都跟你说了,这世界不见得一切都要公平,我自己爽就行了嘛。 记得第一次喜欢文学的时候是由华文开始。华文的结构是一字一词的, 和英语不同, 我喜欢华文的干净利落,写起诗词来不沲泥带水。当然英语也有它的长处优势,其独特的地方。 有阅一山不能藏二虎, 只不过是说说罢了。马来人之所以无法超越我们,其中就是因为我们懂得他们的语言,而他们一点都不了解我们。有了语言,就有多一份了解。

人没有一生挥不去的惨情, 也没天生高一般的生命. 文章写到这里, 我也已忘了自己到底要说些什麽。 都说了,这世界不见得一切都要公平, 也不见得一切都要合理, 爽就好了嘛,算了吧!

For those that do not understand Chinese, don't panic! Although I do not have the heart to translate this passage personally, I've used "google translate" to help me do the job. Here is what "google" thinks what I wrote!

"I rarely write in Chinese, should be around too many people too naive too simple-minded, can not learn to Chinese, English and some even just half a bucket of water. Language is a bridge for communication, no way to master the language, it will never be able to have superior communication skills. Could not have made, it can not form words. However, there are extremely intellectual Cong feelings never get the color you are.

Of course, not everything in this world must be fair, if everyone Nanaimo interest, then who is going to eat this stool? Stool was always eating. My language, and English, Mandarin, Malay, everything good, but the most favorite Chinese and English the international language of these two. I am not Malay, do not feel the responsibility of the maintenance and development of Malay. Moreover, the Malay language, it is too下乘, not too comprehensive. Not suitable for the use of Jazz, in other words, not suitable for the nobles. How the Mo? I think that a bad mood, right?

Related to you, and everything in this world is not necessarily fair, I have them cool on the list. I remember the first time like literature started by the Chinese. The structure of the Chinese language is the word the word, and English are different, I like the clear-cut language, writing from poetry to non-water沲mud. Of course, English also has its strengths, its unique place. Possession of one mountain can not have access to two tigers, only paying lip service. The reason why the Malays can not go beyond us, which is because we know their language, and they do not understand us. With language, there is more than an understanding.

Did not get rid of the miserable life situation, nor the high-born to life in general. The article written here, I have forgotten to say in the end its more什莫. Say that everything in this world is not necessarily fair, but also not everything has to be reasonable, like the Shuang do, forget it!"