Tuesday, March 31, 2009

My Confession

On this fateful day, I would like to take the opportunity to confess to all my friends that I am gay. Ever since the age of 11, I have a growing interest towards boys rather than girls. For many years I have tried to shake it away yet to no avail. I struggled a lot mentally and exhausted every option to change myself. I don't like it. If you think that I enjoy being what I am, you are wrong. I don't like it I hate it. And if there is something I can do to change, I would have traded anything to do that. It is not as simple as it is. You will never understand the struggle I've been through. And no one will understand it, unless he has similar experience.

I know how this society view people like me. They see us like animals, and some treat us the same. I decided that the only way for me to get this out of my mind is through my blog as it has been troubling me for a long time. To straighten out my stand, I will not fight for gay rights, I will not support gay marriage and I will not engage in any homosexual activities. Just as I will not discriminate gay people. I will not treat them like animals, and I will not condemn them.

I did not choose this path. I wasn't given a choice. It's not fair and may the heavens forgive me.

Signed by: Andrew Ho,

This is an April Fool's message, written in advance and published one day in advance to surprise the shit out of you. Happy April's Fool. And stop bashing gay people. I enjoy teenage lesbian porn very much. You stop that and I'll burn your house, kill your pet and dig the graves of your ancestor.

Friday, March 27, 2009

There are Moral Absolutes

Super Short Talk: Some call it a public stunt. Some call it a good awareness event. Either way I think it is just better than none. Maybe this is a good day to sit down and watch Al Gore's "The Inconvenient Truth" or a very bad disaster movie. It's really up to you. But I care for the environment, I do, you know, I have always like tigers, giraffe and the circus. So I guess it's good we do something to preserve them as we preserve ourselves.

"Moral absolute" is a branch of ethics that view certain actions as absolutely right or wrong, regardless of the situation. For example "lying" in view of moral absolute is always wrong. Even if you are lying to promote some other good. As for me, my character has always reflect me as one of those who believes in moral absolute.

Unfortunately in life there are plenty of situations where this rule does not apply very well. But for as long as I can take it, I will always try to do the right thing. Today our society has been depressed by all kinds of cultures and ideas thanks to the television and the Internet. If there were one thing we struggle to find more than anything else in time, it will be an identity. For certain I admire the western culture on their democracy, on their vision for achievement. But to compare the ratio of crap cultures they throw in in exchange for what is good, it is really not worth the trade.

Just so you know "the society" is not something abstract you refer to in a composition, the society is where we live in. It is the things and people around us. It is every heartbeat that follows.

If your father who has 1.5 million ringgit in cash, 3 houses, 2 apartments and an empty detached plot (no house built on it just the land) has cancer. He is dying and decided to give you 1 apartment of his only, whereby the rest is to be given all to your elder brother whom he favour more. Should you or should you not be taking care of him in his last 3 months of life?

There is a moral absolute we all believe in. I just hope that someday somehow, we would all take a little more courage to live it out. And live it out loud.

This man is gonna be your Prime Minister so soon, you would have wished this life is just a dream


Behind The Scene, The Making Of What You Read

Okay the post has ended, and I know it wouldn't be a popular one. And Malaysians in general wouldn't understand or appreciate this sort of writings for the next 50 years or so. But ladies and germs, do you know one of the most important department in the White House is the Communications Department? Communications Department is the office that writes all the speeches for the President. And they put the most knowledgeable brilliant people inside.

To write something good, you have to make it simple, you want to write in a language that is very understandable. And you also want to write it in style. You want to make it sounds good, you want it to flow smoothly like a river, and towards the end of the river, you also anticipate the waterfall. So all the elements have to be inside.

To ensure that is a little bit more complicated than it seems. We will have to revise the language again and again to make sure it has got the spice right. For example you can say "I just hope that someday somehow, we would all take a little more courage to live it out" or "I just hope that we would all someday somehow take a little more courage to live it out". And the first one is better. Because it has a pause, a coma in between. It stresses the second sentence about the 'courage' better.

Writing good stuff is sometimes like answering a math question, you got one number wrong, you got it all wrong.

Monday, March 23, 2009

Fuck The Power

Sometimes I wish I can just put a big banner on my blog saying "This Week No Inspirations, So No Updates". But again that will be a disappointment, not so much to you, but to myself. Blogging is very much like running a TV Show. You meet schedule, you meet deadlines, and if you don't do well. Your ratings fall, your advertisers pull out and soon you will have to cut the show. I certainly do know there are more aspects and values in running a blog than "ratings", but I can't possibly justify every way and means in a single composition. We'll take one step at a time.

When I screened through the various universities in Malaysia, and especially on the local ones. I seriously think that they are very under appreciated with regard to their creativity in creating and naming multiple courses. While you can find the conventional courses that you are familiar with in a private or foreign institution. It is not quite the same story for public universities. Take the "Technological University of Malaysia" (UTM) for instance, in their faculty of education, they have the followings:


Bachelor of Science and Computer with Education (Chemistry)
Bachelor of Science and Computer with Education (Physics)
Bachelor of Science and Computer with Education (Mathematics)
Bachelor of Science with Education (Sports Science)
Bachelor of Science with Education (Physics)
Bachelor of Science with Education (Chemistry)
Bachelor of Science with Education (Mathematics)
Bachelor of Science with Education (Islamic Studies)
Bachelor of Science with Education (Science)
Bachelor of Science with Education (TESL)
Bachelor of Technology with Education (Mechanical Engineering)
Bachelor of Technology with Education (Civil Engineering)
Bachelor of Technology with Education (Electrical Engineering)
Bachelor of Technology with Education (Living Skills)
Bachelor of Education (Educational Management)

Look at those blue highlighted courses and tell me they are not screwing around with my ass. Do you know what is the difference between "Bachelor of Science and Computer with Education in Chemistry" and "Bachelor of Science with Education in Chemistry"? And what exactly should I do when I graduate with a Bachelor of Technology with Education in Mechanical Engineering? Should I teach engineering or should I work as an engineer?

I am sure they have a definition for those courses and their whatever syllabus. But if that is what you are presenting to an investor when you want to open up a University. I suggest you give up. Or you can just add another course by the name Bachelor of Arts in Blogging, Bachelor of Arts with Education in Blogging or Bachelor of Arts and Computer with Education in Blogging.

Didn't I just mentioned that running a blog is like running a TV show? I've received information even as I speak to you from the news and current affairs department. I am told that a 13 minute clip bashing the Chief Minister of Sarawak has been released on youtube a few days ago.

I especially like how the Al-jazeera, Al-Jajeera, Al-zebra network pronounce his name in 3:45. It sounds exactly like how the Americans would pronounce a name of an Iraqi terorist.

The report stated that we are building dams that will generate 600% more electricity than we need by 2020. And the biggest beneficiary in the project is CMS Cement which is 57% owned by the Chief Minister's family. It also mentioned that the Titanium corp. which were partly owned by the Chief Minister's son were financially unstable to handle a 150 million project that were awarded directly towards them despite of an open tender. It further claimed that the bridges they built did not meet actual needs and were not made economically.

Now listen to me. Although I have not been officially appointed as the Chief Minister's Press Secretary. I am very sad to hear this kind of report. First of all, the State Government has a plan to build such a big dam with solid reasons. Sarawak is currently pushing the Energy Corridor whereby through it we are able to create more than 15000 job opportunities. In the process we build dams to enlarge our capacity not just to provide to ourselves but also as a business opportunity that is to sell electricity to our neighbouring countries by 2020. Of course, how we are going to do it is classified information.

CMS cement is the biggest cement company in Sarawak and the most competent compared to all. Therefore awarding the tender to it is justifiable. With regard to the conflict of interest whereby CMS is partly owned by the Chief Minister's family, there seems to be no breach of law in it. You cannot blame a father whose son sell good cement. Just as you can't blame the Bush family, both father and son took Presidency and bombed Iraq.

Titanium Corp. were a small company to begin with, but it's performance in repairing the bridges has proved itself well. The company was not awarded with a direct tender because the Chief Minister's son owned it, it was an open tender, and Titanium Corp. won it. The State Cabinet had discussed it in a closed door meeting before awarding it to them. On the accusation that the bridges does not meet actual needs and were not built economically. The State Government believes that bridges are built for the sole purpose of connecting land and that is what all our bridges are doing. And those bridges were indeed not built economically. They were made with the best material with supervision from the best engineers meeting the tightest standards to ensure absolute safety. Al-Zebra might not care for our public safety but the State Government does.

It is a shame the Government has yet to recruit me or award my blog a 150 million contract to spread the good name of the government. God bless Malaysia, God save our King. You have a good day.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Tomato Crispy Rice

Super Short Talk: I have just resigned from my Speedy Job a few days ago. I have worked there for 3 full months and decided that it is enough for experience. Although sometimes when I answer my calls, I tend to still go like "Hello, Speedy Video".

Since I am not an employee anymore, I am free to disclose company information. I can tell you that The Spring Speedy earns more than 50K per month, Speedy Top Sale is in Midvalley and Genting at 200k per month. The 'Movie Magic' franchise is also owned by Speedy, they sell cds and dvds in 'The Gardens' and other places and their sale reaches 600k per month. There are more than 60 speedy outlets in Malaysia. My big boss looks like Jack Neo and he has 1 wife, 1 mistress and 1 girlfriend of which he brought along while visiting his store in Kuching. He also called my executive to ask if there is any Seven Eleven in Kuching during night time. I am skeptical about what he wanted to buy. My point is, why study? Go sell porn lah.

"Why use the yellow pages" was the question posed on this board. When I looked at the yellow pages provided below the board, I have another question instead.

My question is "how to use the yellow pages like that?"

Recently an e-lawyer law conference were held and it was supposed to educate the public regarding the do's and don'ts while blogging. I of course did not attend it, that's probably because I am already very well versed about these things through fine observations from our kings and politicians.

rub with mouse and press to enlarge

Among the questions posed on the leaflet and my suggested answers to them are:

1) What amount to defamatory statement?

a) It depends on how rich the person you are talking bad at. For example if you accuse me of having anal sex with a beautiful underage mongolian girl of which I later decide to bring her to the woods, strip her naked and repeatedly rape her before I conclude our session by tying a bomb onto her breast, destroying her into 109 pieces. Seriously, nothing will happen to you.

But if you do otherwise with someone important, esspecialy old people with white hair, little white hair or no hair. You'll be dead.

2) What should I do when someone claims that the content of my blog defames him?

b) Assemble your lawyers to find twisted evidence that you are not defaming him and sue him back for false accusation which carries a worst penalty. If that isn't enough, go bersumpah in a synagogue.

3) If I found out others have defame me in their blog, what should I do?

c) Spam them daily for months and years until they delete their blog.

Have anyone of you heard of something call 'Tomato Crispy Rice' ? I ordered that the other day in an eating place, and it top the list of the suckest thing I have ever eaten. I'd rather eat grass than this. It's definitely alien food.

The rice isn't cereal, it is real rice, just that it is also baked to become as hard as stones.

I did not by any chance finished the dish, I just asked them to send it back to their chef and ask him to eat it.

P/S: Did anyone of you catch this very sensational news on the star?

Saturday, March 14, 2009

A Long Post You Shouldn't Read

To maintain this blog personal and up close, I guess it's just about well I talk about things that are truly very personal. The things that I will be writing here is actually better written down in a personal diary kept in a personal drawer in my very personal room. But since I am not a person that truly embraces discreet and humility to begin with. I shall talk to you about my STPM results, which some of you my friends, would have probably checked my blog again and again these few days in hoping for me to make an official announcement on which building, bridge or mountain shall I be picking to jump off from.

For a start, I am not suicidal. That's probably because STPM is not my 'beautiful girl' as Sean Kingston puts it. Secondly, I got a CGPA of 2.5 in STPM. A CGPA of 2.5 in STPM means you are caught somewhere in between B- and C+.

My father said "it's good that I passed all". My brother who is a top scorer in every possible examination in his life said it's a fair result for my standard. My mother in all her unfounded wisdom said "let God decide" and I don't even know what that means.

To justify myself, I have always been an 'arts' person. I do well and enjoy languages, I score well in history, I enjoy politics, I enjoy watching shows like 'The West Wings' and have extraordinaire oratory skill. And I make peace with those subjects except for one, that is science. I scored As in every non-science related subjects in primary 6, form 3 and form 5. When it comes to science I get Bs and I get Cs. When form 6 came, I was told to choose between the Art streams and the Science streams. And I picked the later. Because of one problem, my ego problem.

I did not for one bit or a second enjoy explaining why is that when you drive, you need a greater acceleration to maintain a constant speed while taking on a sharp corner. I did not enjoy trying to differenciate some equation with a tangent, a cosinus and a partial fraction with two different unknowns jumble up together. I did not enjoy seeing a mathematical question way back from 1993 appearing on my math paper which I took 15 years later. But there was an ego problem.

For proud people like myself, you don't quit because you aren't good at it. You quit when you have exhausted every chance to try. I wanted to excel in both arts and science. I wanted to be so amazingly brilliant that I may put everyone else under my feet. And make them drink my piss. Honestly, that is not me trying to exaggerate, I really wanted to be god. And at the end of the day, I was wrong. I was wrong about my limits. And also that I am no god, I am nothing but only a tiny little cute and charming sex symbol. Just kidding. I didn't want to be labeled as having an intellect not high enough to challenge the complexity of advance science subjects. So I did what I did.

As everybody knows STPM is just another word for discrimination. We know the system in this country and how it fools itself. But do I regret taking STPM? I really don't know how to answer that.

But I know when your car is taking a sharp corner, its linear motion is changed to circular and the initial force will be spent to achieve that, thus creating a deceleration or a drop from its initial speed. If the speed of the car is to be remained constant, a greater acceleration is needed to balance the force exhausted to change the direction of the car. To design a simple experiment to prove my answer, I would suggest you to drive your car to an empty car park and do the donut. I tried that and its pretty fun, you need to press more gas to maintain your donut speed.

And that pretty much sums up the previous chapter of my life. For the next chapter, I am considering a degree in "Accounting & Finance" or just plain "Accounting". I really don't know which is better. But I'm pretty sure, this time, it will be my ball game. Whoever says ACCA is hard has obviously never met a tiny little cute and charming sex symbol.

*Without Pride or Prejudice, this post is written for the pleasure of the author and by no means represents any interpretations into his character and personality.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

About Thanksgiving & Other Things

Super Short Talk: I love you all.

I learnt not to complain about many things. Why? Because when God gives me good things, I never question why. So when bad situations set in, why am to I question? Am I to be so selfish that I shall not allow any storm to come my way or condemn any tongue that rises against me? Am I to think so highly of myself that I forgot that there are many more people like me who had worst fate?

I know that the bible promised us many good things, blessings over blessings. In abundance according to our faith. Do you know why God keeps reminding us in His word about how good He is, how much He loves us and how much He wants to see us well? I am not God, but I'm guessing He knows that we can be pretty hard to be convinced. Which is also why, while we settle in this fallen earth, He made patience, He made love and many other beautiful things.

Do you know as we speak in this moment. How many are falling and how many rises? Do you know as we speak in this moment, how many babies are born into poverty, and how many men are put behind bars?

Some people enjoy thinking so much, they try to search of more knowledge towards meanings in life. When in fact, there is no meaning to life. We just make it up along the way.

I am nobody to teach anyone how to live their life. But I know mine is made better each time I start a day with a smile. And end that day with another. Although many times it can be a forceful one. It just doesn't matter as long as it is there.

Thursday, March 5, 2009

Don't Make Me Wait

Welcome To The Republic Of Malaysia

We can now stop state assemblymen from walking into the state assembly with the police force. Next we are going to embrace Communism and believe in no gods other than ourselves. It goes to show that I am right (as usual) when I say "Democracy does not works with animals". To all the MP's who are super fanatic fans of my blog, you are free to quote from me when the next session of your ridiculous meeting continues under a tree or a car park . For those who don't understand what am I talking about, I am not responsible for your lack of knowledge, go upgrade your brain.

On a totally unrelated matter, and in a very irrelevant way to continue from my first paragraph, I am going to talk to you about soya bean and drinks.

Soya Bean Milk which are made with small sugar. Not lesser sugar, but small sugar. You know what's the difference? I don't know man, I only know that the manufactured date is 21 of Feb and the expiry date is 2 days later at 23 Feb. And it also costs Rm3.65 for this small bottle of soya bean. If you think that's overprice and a little shortlived. Let me introduce you something cheaper.

Bird Nest flavoured drink priced at Rm1.40. Mind your language gentlemen. It is not bird nest drink which will usually cost you Rm35, it is instead bird nest 'flavoured' drink. It is suppose to look like bird nest, taste like bird nest but it is not bird nest. It's like flavoured condom, it is suppose to smell like strawberry, taste like strawberry, but it is not a strawberry you are eating. As a matter of fact, you don't even eat it. I'm not a lawyer, but if you insist on eating it when it is wore to what it is made and intended for, I can charge you un­­der Section 377A of the Penal Code for carnal intercourse against the order of nature and also intentional homicide which carries life imprisonment. Put that aside....

The recommended dosage of Vitamin C daily is 90 mg. C1000 contains 1000 mg of vitamin C in a 250ml can. I wonder why it is not so popular in Malaysia. The next time you want to stage a fake suicide, don't take vitamin C pills, just drink a gallon of this. It works as good.

Before I forget, remember Elizabeth Wong?

The people in his constituents supported her fully ....

And also planed to collect Rm10,000 signatures for her last week. My conclusion today gentlemen, is welcome to Malaysia. We use big and small to determine the amount of sugar we put into your drinks and we use Ringgit to count the number of signatures we wish to collect. The next thing I wish you to count is how long a time is there left before our next Prime Minister Anwar Najib takes office. And the unit we are using this time is 'light years'.

This is the first English pop song I have ever listened to and it happened many years ago. I have to say that it has inspired me very much to kick off my imaginary musical career, which is very successful in my imagination. I'm like the biggest star inside my head and nobody in real life. Have a good day.

Sunday, March 1, 2009

Moving Forward

Super quote of the day: Act as if ye hath faith and faith shall be given to you. In other words, fake it till you make it!

After a series of insensitive attacks and condemnation from all my friends for the last 2 and a half months towards my permed hair, I've decided to put an end to it. My hair is short, straight and sexy again.

There are certain days when you wake up in the morning, or when you remain awake to the very late of night. And you just think to yourself for a moment "this time I'm gonna do it right, I'm gonna live my life right, I'm gonna put everything together and start it anew, the past is gone, this time it will be different...."

Every time whenever I do that, it feels good. It helps me to overlook the past and move on with a better note. Certain times in life, being rational is almost as good as being stupid. I can always tell you what is the best thing to do in a situation, but I will also assure you that it is not what I am going to do. It is not good to have premarital sex, ask me anytime on that, I will tell you the same thing. It is not good to cheat, it is not good to lie, it is not good to be lazy, it is not good to watch porn and masturbate 3 times a day, it is not good to get loaded after you have a break up, the most rational thing to do is to pick yourself up and understand that it is a girl and boy affair, accept it and move on.

But in reality, when you have a break up and you come to me, I will tell you what I've just said and then give you a beer. Being rational is sometimes as good as being stupid. Don't ever write that in your business paper, but write it on your life.

For of course the past exist, and it will mostly repeat itself. Every time when I pick myself up and say "I''m gonna do it right this time". What's going to happen is that I'll start my life anew, screw it up, pick myself up, start it anew and screw it up again. This is life, we are human and there is little we can change. So accept Christ.

Every time when I write something which I think is good. I will look at it and say 'you have just written something really good, this will be an inspiration to some people' and I'll be very happy about it. I've written many of them sometimes I wonder when will I be going out of ideas. When will I see the end of it. I have just realised I wouldn't.

Because certain days I wake up in the morning, or when I remain awake to the very late of night. I just think to myself "this time I'm gonna do it right, I'm gonna live my life right, I'm gonna put everything together and start it anew, the past is gone, screw the past, this time it will be different.