Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Fishing Virgin

Super Short Talk: I am feeling a bit disappointed to miss an offshore fishing trip on this 25 August. I am to leave for studies on the 26. Damn it.

This was how I look like when I was one.

This is how I look like 20 years later

This is how a piece of beef salami looks like on a piece of bread

And that is how I have just wasted 5 seconds of your life which you'll never get back. Showing you 3 pictures that resemble the same thing ------ BEEF! Hahaha, anyway....

I would like to extend a special thanks to Samuel, a new church friend of mine, who gave me my first fishing experience whatsoever last week. It was very courteous of him to bring me along. Especially when I neither know anything about fishing nor have any fishing equipments, which by the way don't come cheap and can be easily spoiled by first timer.

I was kinda expecting fishing to be real boring the day before and I didn't expect to catch anything, at least that's what I thought until I saw Sam casted the hook far out into the pond with a swing.

I just thought that was really cool. I've always have this genuine love towards swinging stuff, throwing stuff and shooting stuff. So yeah, if you got any sports that involve that, invite me. Shooting absolutely has the high priority. However, it didn't work out that well when I tried casting on my own, my hook kinda end up entangled on a tree.

But still my rod got 5 strikes and I managed to reel back 3 fishes out of them, the other 2 ran away. Apparently, they could not see eye to eye to a human-fish relationship that involve me feeding you the bait and you getting caught by me. What can I say, it's really fun when you catch something.

Considering my fishing mates around who caught practically nothing, it might have been my lucky day. Or perhaps I am greatly blessed by God who sees my effort in turning down all the girls who chose to offer me their bodies as a sacrificial worship to my charm. Or maybe, I'm just saying maybe, all the fishes just turnt suicidal when they saw my stupid face. But anyway....

Nahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, I'm just kidding, we let all the fishes back to the pond.

Saturday, July 25, 2009

Top Ten Signs you are Middle-Class

10. Your motto is reduce, reuse and recycle

9. You don't like to spend money for whatever reasons

8. You don't like donating to charity because you think you are the person that really needs it

7. You hate Bill Gates and you don't know why

6. You buy Borneo Post instead of New Strait Times

5. You haven been flying MAS since Air Asia was founded

4. You only shop during 'MALAYSIA'S MEGA SALE IS BACK!'

3. You go to form 6

2. When it comes to buying a new car, the only brands you can think of is 'Proton and 'Perodua'.

1. You are actually checking yourself with those signs listed here!

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Bloody Politics

Super Update: This post has been super updated.

Since when did Malaysian politics become so bloody? Ever since Anwar was released, we have seen 8 by elections in 18 months, which some of the assemblymen died to make way, which also by the way never happened in history with such frequency. And then we have Anwar the Sodomite trial for the second time, Perak the Zombie Trial, and a few cibai street protest, cibai ISA arrest which leads to many cibai civil unrest. This has been a hell of a political season.

But of course, I have covered all those news that I see interesting and thought I should take a break from the usual boring politics while waiting for Anwar to be arrested and jailed again. But suddenly, the news reported that someone from PKR decided to jump down (or maybe thrown down) from the MACC building. MACC is also known as the Malaysian Agency of Corrupted Cops. The dead guy is an aide of a PKR Assemblymen, he was arrested to help investigate a case against the opposition and was only released after questioning at 3.45 A.M in the middle of the night! Soon after, he was found dead near the same building, apparently like he jumped off from it. But is it?

My first reaction was "Wah Cibai!". What's wrong with MACC?

Did they just watch Wong Jing's "I Corrupt All Cops" and then decided to pull off a stunt like that?

You know what, our politics is like an English drama series and this is like an "end of the season spin-off". It's like this, in an English drama series, usually there is 1 theme in a season with a few sub-plots, and the whole season revolves around it. For example, our theme for this season is "How Barisan lost all the by elections" with the sub-plots "Unrest in Perak, ISA and The Fall of Abdullah Badawi". But we the writers are very smart one, as this season comes to an end and it looks like our ratings is still good. Before the last episode we've already started building the next theme of our coming season.

And this time, our theme is "The rise of Najib", "Anwar the sodomite trial take 2" and of course for the last scene of our last episode for this season. We just decide we'll kill a character from the opposition and throw him down the MACC (okaylah, it's the Malaysian Anti Corruption Commission) building, giving the audience a "What the fuck is that effect". And that is a really powerful one.

Imagine a 30 year old young man, who is supposed to get married in 2 days time, suddenly he was invited into the MACC building to help out with an investigation, and in a flash, his body was found dead. What happened? Is this a conspiracy? If it is, whose is it? For more, catch the next season of "Malaysia's Bloody Politics", only at Ntv7, your feel good channel.

yeah, I know, the corresponding actor name is ridiculous

Valkyrie is a very good movie I've watched. It's a true story about the Germans, the Nazis and a failed attempt to assasinate Adolf Hitler. I like it very much. And this is a NICE parody I've found which SPREAD BARISAN'S CIBAI AND PUSH A HYUNDAI INTO IT!


Friday, July 17, 2009

The First 30 Minutes

Some days we oversleep our hours and wake up with the freshest mind ever. And for the first 30 minutes or so, that is when we know our mind can think most logically, most analytically and most emotionless. It is that short period of time when I can see things as it is, nothing less nothing more, you could have played a porn in front of me and all I could see is science in action. But that moment could last no longer than half an hour, as time slips, I know the human part of me is slowly creeping in. And soon, emotions will cloud my judgement, hormonal change will affect my thoughts, there will be mood swings and temptations, and I will have to succumb to them all.

I am writing to you after a 15 hours sleep. You know you've overslept your day when you wake up with cold hands and feet on a sunny afternoon. I do not have a message to convey, this is not an Alien E.T. stunt, trying to communicate with you. This is the part of life when you know you have to seize the moment. And to remember your thoughts now and trust in them in the future, because you don't get this all the time. It is in one of these days when I woke up and realized I needed God. And that has changed my life. And for the other times of usual days, the best state of my human mind can think of is to masturbate once more.

The science we see today is a product of thoughts, wisdom, experience, studies that has been passed down cumulatively over a long time. But revelation comes like a lightning. It happens fast and doesn't strike at the same place twice. Most of them aren't written in books, even if they are, they are always subjective. That's why I never read philosophies, I could have written the same thing they did and receive little honour in return. It is in one of these days when I woke up and chose to believe in nothing else than the Bible. If someone has the right to teach me how to live my life, He better be someone much higher than I or the rest of you, like God.

There is a trend of how my mind thinks when I wake up like this. But I cannot write on now, my time is up.

Monday, July 13, 2009

Normal Post

Because I am a loser, I only take pictures with a camera phone wherever I go. Although digital camera is now very affordable, the thought of bringing a bulky gadget everywhere I go only to take pictures is just too girly and hasty for me. I think most boys would agree with me, all things are better made simple. Compromising quality, a camera phone is a good thing at the very best of convenience, especially when you like blogging or you just enjoy snapping pictures. Anything better, you'd have to implant a camera into your body. I would personally like to put it in my penis, I just thought it will be hillarious when I go "hey hey would anyone like to take a picture, wait, just let me take my penis out and.... okay, anyone want a picture? Anyone?"

I have been using my previous Sony Ericsson K750i for the past 2.5 years. Though it was arguably one of the best camera phone like 3 years ago, it is definitely losing out in comparison with the newer models. So I've decided to buy a new one last month, and of course, like all my purchases, it has to go in line with my character, cheap.

So I went to the shops around Kuching, at first looking for a Samsung or an LG, but little did I know, all the shops here do not sell AP sets for these 2 brands. AP sets (unauthorised distribution sets) are usually Rm300 cheaper than Zitron's (authorised distribution, 3 years warranty one). So I've decided to get a Sony Ericsson C510 instead.

It costs me Rm600. Good, cheap and practical. I think jobless students don't need a 2.4 K Blackberry. And like it or not, most students are jobless and most people are mediocre. I know, it's quite an unfortunate fact of life.

My aunty was the Chief Prefect for Kuching High School in 1980. What is your aunty?

Most of my peers has left Kuching to study this month. Except for a few sick bastards that are going to cool places like NUS, US and Cambridge where intakes start later. While me, I'm just chilling in Kuching waiting for my Cha Kueh Tiao stall to ready.

I went for steamboat with a few of my friends shortly before they left. Frankly I don't quite enjoy this kind of sizzling steamboat. Half the time, I am busy frying stuff and eating off possibly uncooked meat while sweating through the night. It isn't very enjoyable.

Also I ate this in a new place call "Kimbay" in Kuching. The picture may look pretty, but it sure taste like shit. I wouldn't recommend anything from that shop.

Oh by the way, I found piggy bun in Kuching. My current pastor told me there is a place call Mitsu Teahouse in RH Plaza that sells it. I know it's Tau Sar pau only, but it's cute lah.

For Rm3, you'll have to compromise with the craftmanship

Cacat pig

Normal Char Siew Pau

Normal Pork Rice

And my normal face

Yalah yalah, still fat lah, what to do?

I asked my life to be extraordinary, it turned out normal. What to do?

I know Michael Jackson is dead, some fans very sad. I know the the government has revert teaching of Science and Maths in English. Some people very pissed. I know life sucks, Malaysia sucks, South East Asia sucks, Asia sucks, the world sucks, but what to do? No choice what, just close your eyes and live on loh. Or else go jump river meh. Suan le lah.......

No I am not going to Kelantan!

Thursday, July 9, 2009

Your Sins Are Forgiven, Go And Puke

Super Update: Miss Singapore's suggestive picture, like that also need to strip off her crown? Umm.....yeah, go ahead, I do like to see unfortunate things happen to pretty people.

Super Short Talk: This is a personal post

I rarely hold grudges on people for a long time, not even if they do something really stupid. Because me, like the great Britain who once colonized the world by the reason to spread civilisation, felt that we being the smarter ones have the responsibility to help those mentally challenged. But there is one man that made it on my chart, whom I was angry for many years. I was so mad at him, at some point of time, I don't even know why I am mad at him at the first place. So let's put our hands and welcome Mr Cheli Tamilselvam.

Since half of 2009 has come and gone. I figured that it is time again I do a mental sound check to see if I am still functioning properly. It's a simple process which involve isolating myself to an area and think hard. See if there's anything I went wrong and if there's anything I should fix in my life. Of course there are a few things I probably can't fix at the meanwhile, that I quarantine them in my vault. And today I've decided to take Mr Cheli out of my vault and fix it.

I was 12 years old when my brother was diagnose with kidney failure. Because of his condition, kind people from the church came and help and that was how I came to know Christ. I first know Mr Cheli as a good man, at least for that period of time, I still called him Pastor. 10 months after I attended church regularly, Mr Cheli wanted to start a youth ministry in Kuching. First of its kind, and he named it Bethany. I first stepped foot into that place on the 1 of May 2002. An easy date to remember. I was among the first batch of young people there, pioneers we would call ourselves.

At that time also, at home, I had been listening to sermons and tapes of the always popular Pastor Joseph Prince. During that time, Pastor Joseph Prince was more of a controversial figure in Kuching and also Singapore itself, where he host his church of 19000 members. The churches of Kuching then, with its unfounded wisdom very much repelled him and his teachings. Some calling it an occult. Because I was listening a lot from him then, his sermon were so good I got a little excited and I started sharing what I heard with other church members. Little did I know, at that instance I had myself planted a fucking time bomb that fucking exploded over my head which leads to 7 years of bitterness that lasted until today. I swear on my mother's grave and my father's grave and my own grave and my children's grave, if I am telling you even a fraction of a lie of how I felt, the anger in me, let the earth opens up and swallow me down any time.

Because of some doctrinal disagreements, In September 2002, me and a few of my friends were brought into a room for serious counselling. It was a Sunday and I was 13 and a half years old. You know, a traumatize patient will never really know how traumatized they were until they got out of it. Every time I thought of that moment, I get so emotional, I would have shout at anyone who say a word in his defence, my brother be my witness. The impact had gotten worst as I remember vividly, that my family were going under a lot of stress at that time, because my brother were in KL when I was counselled. He was not on a vacation, he was in the hospital seeking for treatment. How can someone be as insensitive as that, treated a 13 year old boy like that in such a difficult time for him and his family. I do not understand. When you are little, words from adults count a great deal to you, we don't see them as just mere words, we mind them very much. You say something crazy to a young boy, he goes crazy with it. Any sane person would have left the church (actually one did, a friend of mine who was 18 then) at such circumstance. But I was too young to think properly. I stayed on, and that was just the beginning of a 4 year ride I took in that church.

But an interesting question lies, was I wrong to listen to sermons from Pastor Joseph Prince at the first place? An excerpt from wikipedia says:

In 2006, Prince was invited to speak at the Grace & Favour Seminar, at Hillsong Church in Sydney and also to Hillsong London to preach at its three Sunday services. In 2007 and 2008 he was invited to speak at the Hillsong Conference in Sydney held in July and the Hillsong Europe Conference in London held in October. He has also been invited to preach at churches in countries such as Canada, Norway, Netherlands, South Africa and Indonesia. Video clips of his preaching sessions are available on the Youtube website.

He has a publishing house, and releases books, CDs and DVDs, which are sold at the affiliated Rock Gifts & Books Centre, at secular bookshops such as the Times bookstores and the Harris/Popular bookstores in Singapore, Barnes and Noble in the United States, as well as through Amazon.com. His latest book, Destined to Reign: The Secret to Effortless Success, Wholeness and Victorious Living, released in Singapore on 15 July 2007, contains teachings from his last ten years of preaching. The same book was released in the US in October 2007 by Christian publisher, Harrison House. Six months after its distribution in the US, it was listed on Christian Retailing Top 100 Books.

Hillsong is a big name in the Christian World, it is like Brad Pitt or Tom Cruise. Less be assured, not just any Tom Dick and Ramasamy can walk into their grounds and preach. But that is in 2006. I was in 2002. For crying out loud's sake, even MPH Kuching sells books and DVDs of Joseph Prince today. It comes to show I have an acquired taste for things and value them even before they achieve world wide recognition.

So 4 years I did my time there, until I finally came to my senses at 16 years old. A legitimate age to have consensual sex in Malaysia (yeah, you didn't know that? Neither did I when I was 16). I finally left the church, but the bitterness I carried in my heart long after. Of course within that 4 years, I have been through some struggles in there, interesting stories I have, even misleading ones.

But I do not write this to complain my lungs out and tell you my lame teenage experience, even if I am entitled the right to because this is my blog, it is registered in my face and I am the one who is getting sued if I commit libel. Nope.

I only write this to tell you how it started, and how it will end.

This is July 2009, and I have voluntarily chose to forgive Mr Cheli Tamilselvam, who did not think he has ever wronged against me and is never apologetic. Regardless, after 7 years of indecision, I now choose to forgive him, with all my heart, mind and soul. With the power vested upon me by God for the right to choose, to believe, to decide and to act, I hereby pardoned you.


Okay, now that I'm done with Cheli, let's see who's next on the list.............. Adolf Hitler! Ah, what the hell, fuck the Nazis.

Monday, July 6, 2009

Top Ten Signs You Think Like a Man

10. You spend a lot of money and time just to get a break up.

9. The only way you thought you can take a little bit back from a relationship is to have sex.

8. You don't think woman understand no.9 because they are not the one who keeps on paying for everything.

7. Understanding from a woman is a luxury in a relationship.

6. More often than not, you don't think you are going to survive your current relationship.

5. Marriage is no play, we should have all the time we need to decide up till we're 35 if we are ready and you need to be patient.

4. You always think so far ahead from your partner, if she thinks getting married next year, you think about your kids' college fund.

3. Career and job is very important to you because you are bound to spend a part of your life just footing bills.

2. We think feminists are bias when they say men and women should be treated equal. In the modern world, we give them job, work, money, education. They give us a piece of their mind.

1. We sort of know the reason why men are more prone to have heart attacks and cardiac arrests!

Sunday, July 5, 2009

I Used to Rule The World

Super Short Talk: This is what I don't like about journalism, they say half don't say the other half, not sensational enough.

I do not care. This is me. I do not care about what people will say, I do not care about what people will think. I figured life is too short to bother too much. I did not know where I adopted such attitude towards life. I do not know if it is right. But I do not care.

I decide what I believe, I decide my faith. I decide what I want to wear, I decide what I want to say. I decide when to speak, when to stand, when to sit and when to keep quiet. I do not care what others will think, I do not care if they like it, I do not care if they don't.

I've decided life is too short to bother so much.

Opinions I have heard many, most of them rubbish to my ears. Few are good, and to them I take heed. I do not worry if people look up or down at me, they are the ones who should be mindful instead, if I even care about their very existence.

I used to have some self-esteem, I used to have some confidence. Now, I have none. For the moment I chose not to care about them anymore, I became my own self-esteem, and I became my own confidence.

One minute I have dignity, the other minute it is gone. I tried looking for it, I searched my heart and I searched my soul. And then I remember, I left it in a deserted street in one of my dreams. A dream which I could not get back into, a street I do not know the name. Who cares about dignity and pride when there are more important things to do.

I do not care, for all I ever need, is a chair to sit in front of a very nice view, a beautiful river perhaps, a pair of boobs maybe, and a can of beer of course.

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

The Bigger Man in You

I always believe how big a person is is never determined by how much he has, but by how much he is willing to give. And by how much he is willing to give, I do not mean just money. I guess the world has long limited their capacity to give, to share, to contribute and to love.

In between the needs and wants of us humans, money is never enough to satisfy. The more we now have today will only lead us astray, seeking for even more tomorrow. If there ever was a limit to our pursuit, it might as well be infinity.

So how can we, in our insignificant self play our part to be of any good to this world? I do not know, even if I do, my ideas would at best be theoretical.

Today I speak to thee, as a poor unfortunate soul. In neither possession of power nor influence to make the slightest difference in the world. So I hereby decide to make none. None to give, none to share, none to love and none to all.

It is only until I started thinking like that when it dawned upon me, life would truly become meaningless if you have decided to live for only yourself. That is why I also believe,

Nomatter how small we are, there is always one person we can bless.

Nomatter how poor we are, there is always a smile we can share.

Nomatter how selfish we are, if we would only try, there is always a bigger man in me and in you.

Good day sir. This is the first of July.