Thursday, July 9, 2009

Your Sins Are Forgiven, Go And Puke

Super Update: Miss Singapore's suggestive picture, like that also need to strip off her crown? Umm.....yeah, go ahead, I do like to see unfortunate things happen to pretty people.

Super Short Talk: This is a personal post

I rarely hold grudges on people for a long time, not even if they do something really stupid. Because me, like the great Britain who once colonized the world by the reason to spread civilisation, felt that we being the smarter ones have the responsibility to help those mentally challenged. But there is one man that made it on my chart, whom I was angry for many years. I was so mad at him, at some point of time, I don't even know why I am mad at him at the first place. So let's put our hands and welcome Mr Cheli Tamilselvam.

Since half of 2009 has come and gone. I figured that it is time again I do a mental sound check to see if I am still functioning properly. It's a simple process which involve isolating myself to an area and think hard. See if there's anything I went wrong and if there's anything I should fix in my life. Of course there are a few things I probably can't fix at the meanwhile, that I quarantine them in my vault. And today I've decided to take Mr Cheli out of my vault and fix it.

I was 12 years old when my brother was diagnose with kidney failure. Because of his condition, kind people from the church came and help and that was how I came to know Christ. I first know Mr Cheli as a good man, at least for that period of time, I still called him Pastor. 10 months after I attended church regularly, Mr Cheli wanted to start a youth ministry in Kuching. First of its kind, and he named it Bethany. I first stepped foot into that place on the 1 of May 2002. An easy date to remember. I was among the first batch of young people there, pioneers we would call ourselves.

At that time also, at home, I had been listening to sermons and tapes of the always popular Pastor Joseph Prince. During that time, Pastor Joseph Prince was more of a controversial figure in Kuching and also Singapore itself, where he host his church of 19000 members. The churches of Kuching then, with its unfounded wisdom very much repelled him and his teachings. Some calling it an occult. Because I was listening a lot from him then, his sermon were so good I got a little excited and I started sharing what I heard with other church members. Little did I know, at that instance I had myself planted a fucking time bomb that fucking exploded over my head which leads to 7 years of bitterness that lasted until today. I swear on my mother's grave and my father's grave and my own grave and my children's grave, if I am telling you even a fraction of a lie of how I felt, the anger in me, let the earth opens up and swallow me down any time.

Because of some doctrinal disagreements, In September 2002, me and a few of my friends were brought into a room for serious counselling. It was a Sunday and I was 13 and a half years old. You know, a traumatize patient will never really know how traumatized they were until they got out of it. Every time I thought of that moment, I get so emotional, I would have shout at anyone who say a word in his defence, my brother be my witness. The impact had gotten worst as I remember vividly, that my family were going under a lot of stress at that time, because my brother were in KL when I was counselled. He was not on a vacation, he was in the hospital seeking for treatment. How can someone be as insensitive as that, treated a 13 year old boy like that in such a difficult time for him and his family. I do not understand. When you are little, words from adults count a great deal to you, we don't see them as just mere words, we mind them very much. You say something crazy to a young boy, he goes crazy with it. Any sane person would have left the church (actually one did, a friend of mine who was 18 then) at such circumstance. But I was too young to think properly. I stayed on, and that was just the beginning of a 4 year ride I took in that church.

But an interesting question lies, was I wrong to listen to sermons from Pastor Joseph Prince at the first place? An excerpt from wikipedia says:

In 2006, Prince was invited to speak at the Grace & Favour Seminar, at Hillsong Church in Sydney and also to Hillsong London to preach at its three Sunday services. In 2007 and 2008 he was invited to speak at the Hillsong Conference in Sydney held in July and the Hillsong Europe Conference in London held in October. He has also been invited to preach at churches in countries such as Canada, Norway, Netherlands, South Africa and Indonesia. Video clips of his preaching sessions are available on the Youtube website.

He has a publishing house, and releases books, CDs and DVDs, which are sold at the affiliated Rock Gifts & Books Centre, at secular bookshops such as the Times bookstores and the Harris/Popular bookstores in Singapore, Barnes and Noble in the United States, as well as through His latest book, Destined to Reign: The Secret to Effortless Success, Wholeness and Victorious Living, released in Singapore on 15 July 2007, contains teachings from his last ten years of preaching. The same book was released in the US in October 2007 by Christian publisher, Harrison House. Six months after its distribution in the US, it was listed on Christian Retailing Top 100 Books.

Hillsong is a big name in the Christian World, it is like Brad Pitt or Tom Cruise. Less be assured, not just any Tom Dick and Ramasamy can walk into their grounds and preach. But that is in 2006. I was in 2002. For crying out loud's sake, even MPH Kuching sells books and DVDs of Joseph Prince today. It comes to show I have an acquired taste for things and value them even before they achieve world wide recognition.

So 4 years I did my time there, until I finally came to my senses at 16 years old. A legitimate age to have consensual sex in Malaysia (yeah, you didn't know that? Neither did I when I was 16). I finally left the church, but the bitterness I carried in my heart long after. Of course within that 4 years, I have been through some struggles in there, interesting stories I have, even misleading ones.

But I do not write this to complain my lungs out and tell you my lame teenage experience, even if I am entitled the right to because this is my blog, it is registered in my face and I am the one who is getting sued if I commit libel. Nope.

I only write this to tell you how it started, and how it will end.

This is July 2009, and I have voluntarily chose to forgive Mr Cheli Tamilselvam, who did not think he has ever wronged against me and is never apologetic. Regardless, after 7 years of indecision, I now choose to forgive him, with all my heart, mind and soul. With the power vested upon me by God for the right to choose, to believe, to decide and to act, I hereby pardoned you.


Okay, now that I'm done with Cheli, let's see who's next on the list.............. Adolf Hitler! Ah, what the hell, fuck the Nazis.


Anonymous said...

man i hated that guy too. for some reasons. but i dun hold any grudges against him..

Andrew Ho said...

It's even better if you can leave your name...

Anonymous said...

That nigger is so going into 4chan.

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