Wednesday, April 29, 2009

How To Prove A Point

Bad words are words that are very bad. We should all learn not to say it. Or even better, we should not learn bad words at all. Almost every language and dialects has their own bad words. Those words are usually connected to genitals of man and woman. Many times, they are also associated with sexual acts between both sexes. Bad words is a foul expression. It is usually used when someone is angry, or when he feels that it is funny using those words.

In Malaysia and Singapore, one of the most common foul language among Chinese is cibai. It brings a crude meaning of the female's genital. This word is very so common it is recognised. Saying bad words is very bad because it degrades our values and brings down our image or reputation. Although some of you like me has no reputation or image, we should also avoid using bad words. Because when you do that, some people are sensitive and it will hurt them.

Using bad words also show that we are not well educated, or we do not have moral values. Saying bad words also show that we cannot express correctly or in other words, we cannot find better words to project our mind but to use bad words. That is mainly because bad words can be versatile at times. For example: cibai can be used as a noun, verb, adjective and adverb.In noun, despite of saying the correct terms for the female genital, crude and bad people just use cibai. In adjective, despite of saying a person is disgusting or ugly, they say, cibai bin. As for the verb and adverb use of cibai, me and my co-wokers from the linguistic department of Fukkien University is still studying the various possible aspects. It is rumoured that the result of our study is highly classified under the Chinese goverment secrecy act. That is very very bad.

From my experience, saying bad words does comes in as a good joke while conversing with people or writing an article. For example using the word Fuck. But the downside is that, most people are very intrigued when you use that word. Like most religious people and also those that think they come from a good family. So the conclusion is, we should all try to avoid using bad words, because it is really bad. And whatever the situation, we should always try not to use the F word. Even when you can make a very good sentence with it. Like: Fuck you, I don't give a damn Fuck to your Fucking problem because you had caused me so much trouble with your Fucked up brain. Now this is very bad. We should all instead be polite and gentle and tell people properly. Like: I'm sorry, you have caused me a lot of problem with your problem. I am starting to get angry. See, isn't this better? My point is . . . . . .

I forgot what my point is. And I know you are mad, here let me help you. . . . .

I know this might not be a very good post to say this. But I think if you like me, you should share my blog to all your friends. I believe there must be more reason why people like to read me besides my charm. Somewhere in me, there must be a hard solid talent ............ somewhere deep down in my pants.

Saturday, April 25, 2009

Banana Dick

JOHOR BARU: All 999 million units of Amanah Saham Malaysia (ASM) shares allotted to the Chinese have been snapped up, said Permodalan Nasional Bhd (PNB). The allocation was part of the additional 3.33 billion units which went on sale on Monday. PNB president and chief executive officer Tan Sri Hamad Kama Piah Che Othman said that as at 12.17pm yesterday, all the units allotted to the Chinese were bought while the Indians bought 53.5 million units, or 10.71% of the 499.5 million units set aside for them. The bumiputras bought 7.65 million units, he said in a statement.

This is the reason why I think people hate us. This is the reason why I think people call us "Jewish" and does not mind performing a Holocaust on us. They just want to strip us naked, let us die in the cold, hang our bodies on trees and let squirrel come and eat our nuts.

You just can't buy up all 999 million units of share in less than 3 days while the big big big big big big big big big big big big big big (wait ah, I haven finish) big big big big big big big big (almost there) big big big big big big big majority of the country bought 7.65 million units at the same time. If you hate us and think that we control the economy I understand. I never disagree that people should hate us, I never think that they are wrong to discriminate us. If people bully me, I will want to strip them naked too. But the point here is not how much we want to kill each other. It is how are we going to do that.

You see, Chinese people are brought up in a culture where we value hard work a lot. Because we like to eat rice very much, we have to grow a lot of rice. And we all know how hard it is to grow grain, spending a year's work only to harvest once. Our culture taught us to give maximum effort for minimal return and still be very appreciative about it. Do not be worried, I did not figure this out myself, ask any intellect, your professor or the Internet, they will tell you approximately the same thing. And that is just one of the many examples. If all my readers are high end intellect, I would have used something easier.

For example if you were to poised me a question saying "can you suggest an example in your culture that proves your determination and perseverance in doing things?" I will answer "the ancient Chinese government were brought down several times by eunuchs who worked with the enemy and ill advised the Emperor. This comes to show that even when people cut our penis, it doesn't mean we cannot screw them anymore. This is an example of great perseverance and determination."

As we all understand, I do not like to provoke people. As much as I enjoy standing out with my controversial opinions. I do not encourage any races to fight and kill each other in our country. Because ultimately, you can't. We would have bought all your shares before you can lift up your keris. And I totally agree that the keris is a gentle weapon. It is a weapon for the gentlemen. Not for war. Have you seen the chinese spear in Red Cliff (A Recent John Woo film)? It is freaking longer than a strip poll. They would have poke 13 holes on your body even before you come close enough to say hi.

I think we have fought long enough. It is time for us to take a break and learn from each other. Be appreciative of each other and cultivate true harmony. If someone can beat me up so fast I cannot even retaliate, I would stop retaliating. And ask them, how did you do it? Can you teach me? Please? (And do my sad "I have just lost my puppy" face)

Sun Tzu was a great strategist and general who wrote the world's first military strategy book ever called 'The Art of War". And it is definitely much more prestigious than "The Art of Deal" by Donald Trump. After hiring Sun Tzu, the then kingdom of Wu conquered and dominated the whole southern China and remain in power until his death. The book were preserved and kept secret by the ruling class for a long time. There is a part of our crazy history where we value books and scrolls. We see them as precious gems and whoever got hold of it, acquire those knowledge can be dangerous. Especially to the ruling class, and today, you read my blog for free, oh, how we evolved.

One of the famous Sun Tzu's saying was "To Win Without Fighting is the Best Skill" . He subsequently added "Just buy up all their shares."

Don't fight don't fight. I would like to talk more about Sun Tzu when I have time. Do you know that the famous 36 strategies were actually divided to be used in 6 different situations? That also means 6 strategies for each different situations. Getting confused? Here is one of the 6 tactics he wrote specially for desperate situation:

No.36: If all else fails, retreat

If it becomes obvious that your current course of action will lead to defeat then retreat and regroup. When your side is losing there are only three choices remaining: surrender, compromise, or escape. Surrender is complete defeat, compromise is half defeat, but escape is not defeat.

As long as you are not defeated, you still have a chance.

This is the most famous one of the 36th strategy, immortalized in the form of a Chinese idiom: "Of the Thirty-Six Strategies, fleeing is best."

Therefore, goodbye!

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

The Lake Isle of Innisfree

I will arise and go now, and go to Innisfree,
And a small cabin build there, of clay and wattles made:
Nine bean-rows will I have there, a hive for the honey-bee;
And live alone in the bee-loud glade.

And I shall have some peace there, for peace comes dropping slow,

Dropping from the veils of the morning to where the cricket sings;

There midnight's all a glimmer, and noon a purple glow,
And evening full of the linnet's wings.

I will arise and go now, for always night and day

I hear lake water lapping with low sounds by the shore;

While I stand on the roadway, or on the pavements grey,
I hear it in the deep heart's core.

A hundred years ago, William Butler Yeast, an Irish poet wrote this poem. The poem talks about an imaginary place call Innisfree, when separated, it simply meant "Inn is free". I like to think it as an inn which is free, although it is opened to other interpretations as well. But that is way too much to talk about here. William described it as a place, whereby he will get peace and tranquility. And nobody will bother him there. The poem is crafted in perfection, just like the chicken in Kenny Rogers, grilled to perfection. Except for the part where he describe noon time as a "purple glow". That may be an example of literary licence. Which is an obscure rule that says a poet may execute grammatical mistakes and other errors for the purpose to beautify his or her poetry.

I would also like to think that I have an Innisfree. A place where I can go and enjoy myself. I like to call this place my blog. It is a place where I can have peace and tranquility, to write whatever I want and to express what I have in mind. I do not have to bear responsibility to anyone, neither do I have to hold accountable to anything I write. There is a freedom for expression here, exclusively for me. As long as I do not use it for heinous purposes, to defame and to falsely accuse. I am allowed to say what I want. Whether good or bad, round or square, crude or gentle, rude or insane. I have this Innisfree.

I do not have to write anything to please anyone, neither do I have to worry if I fail to entertain. This is not a public display whereby I beg people to come and read, to judge and ridicule. Comments are feed backs, subject to my consent with pride and prejudice. Freedom of expression is exclusively mine in Innisfree and not anyone else. Criticism are open to my interpretations, and I delete them as I please. For reasons both right and wrong.

If you happened to be a passer by, and is intrigued by my language. Please do not be offended, I do not mean any harm. It is just ...... well, my Innisfree.

Saturday, April 18, 2009

Happy Birthday To Me

Hello everybody, my name is Andrew Ho. I am 20 years old this year. WHAT THE FUCK!? I AM 20 YEARS OLD? NO, NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SATAN! DIDN'T WE MAKE A DEAL, I SELL YOU MY SOUL AND 20% COPYRIGHT OF THIS BLOG AND YOU PROMISED I WILL NEVER AGE! YOU FUCKING LIAR!

I can't believe it. Two and a half years back, if I rape a girl, the news will report "Kuching- A Teenage boy raped a girl" and I get to be trialed in the juvenile court. But now, if I did the same thing, The Stars will say "Kuching- A 20 year old man rape a girl". And I will go to jail for the rest of my life. This isn't what it is supposed to be. I was suppose to sit at home, blog everyday and spam But now I can do neither because I need to grow up. This makes no sense. God, why did you created me to endure this world. Look at this world, there are so many freaking gay people that think I am a freak to think they are freaks. This is a messed up earth. To top up that why does my age has to start with the number 2?

But wait a minute, I know why............ that's because

A UNIVERSITI Sains Islam Malaysia lecturer who passed only four out of 157 of her law students claims she was forced to resign so that the university could protect its reputation, Kosmo! reported.

Nor (not her real name) said the reason she left was because she could not stand the pressure from the university management on her to give “sympathy marks.”

“How am I to give extra marks if the marks they got is what they should be getting?” she said, adding that her downfall started when she received a show-cause letter on why so many students had failed.

She was then criticised by her superiors, who also wanted her to add marks based on attendance so as to reduce the number of failures.

“I stood my ground. How could I give them marks for that when it is their responsibility to show up for classes?” she added.

The university declined to comment.

Why should I be upset about anything? This is a messed up world to begin with. Honest people get fired, lousy people graduate, rich people get richer and handsome people grow old. This is what it is supposed to be!

I was supposed to be the guy singing this song. We made a deal Satan, I sell you my soul and you make me a celebrity. You liar. Happy Birthday To Me.

Thursday, April 16, 2009

I am not a boy, not yet a gigolo

Last week, a woman emailed me to ask if I give home tuition as she has a primary 6 daughter. Seeing that I am free at the moment, I say it is possible. On the same day she called me up and talked to me for 11 minutes on the phone about this and that. Later when I emailed her that I charge Rm120 per subject for home tuition (one on one tuition to her daughter at her residence). She immediately cut contact with me. The moral of the story is, do not walk into a restaurant before you know the prices they are selling. Or else you will be wasting time. Which I am very particular at.

My retarded picture 2 years back

It has to be a sickness of mine. But I am one of those people that is very particular with time. Whenever I was young, whether it be after school or tuition, the first thing I'd do is to rush out of the class. Because my father will be picking me up usually and if I make him wait any longer than 5 minutes, he will definitely yell at me. I can bet all my money in my pocket against all your money in your pocket that he will definitely f@#king yell at me. As a result, I grew up to be always on time, which is good. The side effect however is that I dislike people who come late or waste time. I take it personally. People who cannot do a simple thing like show up on time is just not fit for this world, they should be taken into a zoo, put into a cage and let the public feed them. That is the safest means for them to survive.

As I was reading the papers last week, I went through the classifieds and I saw this handsome 18 year old boy from Kuching on the obituary. A former lodge school student. It was written that he passed away due to an accident in KL. At first I thought it was a car accident because that's how Malaysians usually like to die. Later I heard that he died falling from the 14 storey of a condominium. Apparently he was living in the condominium, and he realised that he forgot to take the keys when he left the house. So he somehow thought of climbing back to his condo by the balcony or the window. Unfortunately he slipped. It's a sad story.

Whenever you want to do something and you are unsure if it is the right choice. There is a simple formula I have to make things easier. All you need to do is consider the consequences of the action both when you succeed in it and when you fail. Then compare both consequences to see if the risk is worth it. For example, if I cross the red light sucessfully, I get to reach to my destination faster. If I fail, I may be involved in an accident and die. Is reaching your destination faster worth your life? If you think it is, go ahead. After all, the classifieds needs something to post up all the time.

No one can separate emotions from rationale completely. Just as neither can separate love from lust. If I love you I must do you just as God intended it to be. The question here isn't who is rational and who is not. It is who is more rational and who is lesser.

P/S: Rm120 for personal home tuition is not expensive compared to what my fellow toy boys are earning lah.

Monday, April 13, 2009

We Are The Reason You Live

Super Short Talk: I was very happy Syed Hamid is out of the cabinet as Homes Minister. I cannot stand hearing him saying stupid things all the time about ISA and all that. By the way Homes Minister is not a minister in charge of your housing development, the 'Homes' here kinda refer to Malaysia as the 'Home', it's an important post. And also the Datuk Strawberry Cheek, glad to see that he was demoted to a less important post. That is what you get for debating with Anwar. You don't debate with Anwar, he is king. He can lie and people still love him. Khairy is not in the cabinet at all, very happy gleeeeee.

If you are wondering why do I bother about politics. That's probably because I am growing up to be a man. And all men know their politics. You cannot call yourself a man if you don't know politics. Neither are you allowed to carry the man ego, or better known as the 'mango' (I just made it up XD). If some of you don't know how our Malaysian System works, what is the parliament and the cabinet, why is it so important to have the right government. I might just explain it to you next time. Or you can go to Form 6, they teach you.

So the by-election is over. And the opposition did fairly well winning 2 out of 3. Last year when BN lost its two third majority in the parliament, I remember BN saying that "this may be a blessing in disguise" as reported in the news. This time, as I read again, Koh Tsu Khoon once again said "this may be a blessing in disguise, for us to strengthen ourselves."

I just hope with all my heart, mind and soul that they will lose it all in the next general election and FINALLY come out to say "oh f@#ck, that's it! We are so f@cked, I have had it! We are majorly f@#cked, f@#ck, f@#ck, f@#ck, f@ck, f@#ck!"

However SARAWAK, The Land of The Hornybills, Asia's best kept secret, once again delivered a victory to BARISAN NASIONAL! (Insert sound of people shouting at the top of their lungs and clapping at this sentence) And then this:

Finally! We did it again! We the poor Sarawakian living in caves and trees, riding our horses and chariots around jungles and have to mengayuh our sampan for 3 and a half months if we want to go to Kuala Lumpur, a land we heard has aeroplanes! We supported BN! Gave them a whooping 32 seats in the parliament and now another victory. We are the reason BN survived! And what we get in return is more jungles, 5 packs of cement and more hornybills!

Look at us, we are the reason you live. You know what I am going to do, I am going to leave a comment in Najib's blog, asking him to move KL Tower and KLCC to Kuching. They don't need those towers, what they need is a punishment for not supporting your party, after all you are the federal government.

Proposed Kuching 2010

I also want Midvalley megamall, you can keep The Gardens, but Midvalley is mine and I will put it right opposite my house and build a highway from there right to the chief ministers' house, for our convenience when we want to meet up, hang out and chill out while celebrating the victory we deliver to the hands of (insert anything you want here).

Now if you will excuse me, I have to go brush up my horse now. She hasn't been eating ever since the by election.

Friday, April 10, 2009

Easter Special Rainnnnnnnnnn

Happy Easter, for all of you who haven know, I have always been a fan of American talkshows. Which of course 98.05% of my fellow Malaysian don't even care about watching. That's probably because all their head could ever contain are Transformer, Manchester United, Arsenal, Chelsea, Porn, NTV7 and Astro. But what I have below here is so exceptional you can't even find them on youtube.

The Colbert ReportMon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
He's Singing in Korean
Colbert Report Full EpisodesPolitical HumorNASA Name Contest

Even Rain went to the Talkshow in person.

The Colbert ReportMon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
Rain Dance-Off
Colbert Report Full EpisodesPolitical HumorNASA Name Contest

If you are familiar with the cartoon "Southpark", then you must know comedy central, because comedy central is the network that produces it. It also produces popular talkshows like "The Daily Show with Jon Stewart" and "The Colbert Report" which I embedded.

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

A Simple Explaination To The Current Economy Crisis

Everybody on the street is talking about bad economy. But less than half of them really understand what causes it. And today, with some stolen knowledge from youtube and my friends, I am going to prove to you how someone can learn a lot with the internet.

In layman's term:

First of all you should understand that the US is one of the biggest customer in the world. It created a lot of business opportunities for other countries when it buys things from them. So one day, the US economy decided that it is going to collapse and in return, all the other countries lost this valuable customer. So they too collapsed.

So the better question here now is "What the hell happened to the US economy?"

The story began like this, many years ago, when people got married and wanted to start a family. The first thing they wanted was to buy a house. But most of them did not have enough money to buy, so they had to take a loan from the banks. So the banks lent them the money and charged them interest, if they however fail to repay their loans and interest, the banks will take away their home and resell it. As the prices of houses were always increasing, this sounded like a perfectly nice idea.

When everything were going just nice, the banks decided that they wanted to make even more money through loans or better known as mortgages. So they hired professional people like me to give them ideas. One day, I suggested to them "HEY, WHY DON'T WE ENCOURAGE MORE PEOPLE TO LOAN MONEY FROM US, THAT WILL INCREASE OUR PROFIT!" My boss replied "AND HOW THE F@#K ARE WE GOING TO DO THAT?". And I replied "WE CAN MAKE LOANING MONEY EASIER, WE SET LOWER CONDITIONS LIKE NO NEED DOWN PAYMENT, NO NEED GUARANTOR, NO NEED PROOFS OF INCOME AND ETC!". My boss heard it and decided that it was a good idea. He then did accordingly to what I suggested and rewarded me with a 500 million paycheck so that I may live happily ever after.

So when the bank started to loan money to just anybody regardless whether they can pay back or not. It turned out that some of them really could not pay back. So what the banks did were they took the houses of those who couldn't pay back their loans for resell. At first it was okay, but many years later in 2008. More and more people were not able to pay back their loans. So what happened was that the banks got more and more houses for resell. So much so that the houses they had exceeded the demand of the market. They had too many houses but too little buyers and the houses would not sell. When that happened. . . . the unseen time bomb suddenly went BOOM! The prices of the houses started to fall sharply. For example a house that used to cost 300,000 is now worth let's say 75,000.

To make matters even worst, when the prices of houses started to fall, the good people who were regularly paying their loans to the banks started to wonder if it is still worth it they pay the bank so much interest. Since their house now has such a low resell value, if they don't pay the bank back, they can easily buy another house with the money they have." So finally they decided to abandon their houses.

This brings us to a situation where the banks are having a loooooooooooot of houses with no resell value. And to make the worsen situation even f#@king worst, the money they lent to the public at the first place were actually money they borrowed from multiple investors. So now you see a chain reaction between "people who don't pay their loans", "the bankers" and "the investors who invested money into the banks". In this situation, the money flow started to freeze immediately and there were only shit left. So in this difficult time, they once again turned their backs to consult professional people like me and asked for my advice. After a lot of thinking, I've decided to advise them the best way out of this mess -------- Go Bankrupt! And that was the day you heard the Lehman Brothers closed shop. Welcome to the Economy Crisis. The United States is still in a 15000,000,000,000 debt. That is 15 trillion.

To understand the whole situation in a more detail picture, these are the best:

Friday, April 3, 2009

Save The Chicken, Save The World

To start off today's crap, I was snapping my finger this morning when a mosquito flew by. Unwisely the mosquito flew in between my thumb and finger so it died literally in a snap.

Now the picture don't have to be that disgusting if you would think like me "I eat chicken everyday, I eat chicken everyday, I don't have to sympathize insects". Once you get that in your head, come to me and I'll teach you the next level called "I can step on ants". With all due respect to religion, I think cutting your own meat to feed an eagle is stupid, and I think eating vegetables for the sake of not killing animals is equally insane. I'll support ya if you say eat more vegetables is to good health, but eat more vegetables to preserve animals is like buying a Proton to preserve Porches. It doesn't make sense. Chicken is poultry, you don't save them, they just don't contribute to earth.

I like how gelato looks like when they are in the fridge. You can't make ice more appealing then making them look like lava flowing out of a volcano.

And I'll actually like it more if they don't charge me Rm8.90 for a cup.

Talking about what I like, I have to give Klang's bak kut teh two tumbs up. And when I say Klang, I mean the real place. Not some "Klang's Bak Kut Teh" you get in Johor or Kuching. If you want something at its best, you got to dig to its origin.

Now you see

Now you don't. It's the only magic I can perform. Finish up food unbelievably fast.

I am not so much a fanatic blogger that I would bring a camera and take pictures wherever I go. I don't do that because you lose class and it's annoying to people around you when you do that too often. "Oh that's my coffee, let's snap a picture, oh that's your coffee, let's snap a picture too, oh look at his coffee, let's take a picture again!" So there was this time, I was eating this super dark coloured Hokkien Mee and it didn't occur to me that it is interesting until half-way. So I snapped a picture of it. And it looked exactly.... a very scary plate of worms.

Oh and before I forget...... with the power vested upon me by the constitution of Malaysia, I would like to pronounce Datuk Seri Najib our New Prime Minister!

Deng Deng Deng.....goldfish