Thursday, June 11, 2009

What do you mean when you say I am going to become "nothing"

Make yourself a cup of coffee for this is going to be a long fun ride......

Sleep comes easy to me most of the nights. But there are nights when I lie in bed and no matter how hard I try I just couldn't go to sleep. I don't know if it's just me or everybody else does that too. At that point of time, my mind will most certainly start to wander around and think of the most ridiculous ideas. Most of them are not important, most of them are petty and all of them are irrelevant.

For example I thought of how it will be when I die. I imagined the last moments of my life and thought it through. Technically I rehearsed it, remind me to tell that to my children. "Oh boy, I'm just dying, don't be so emo, I've rehearsed this scene over and over again since I was 18. And don't try to comfort me with some biblical phrases, when I was 20, I had the mind of Socrates, now that I'm 75, no one on earth is wiser than me, now, can you go check if kennysia is still updating his blog? No way he gets to live longer than me, damn it"

I know it's very irrelevant to think about death and growing old when my penis has practically never seen a vagina. But I couldn't sleep. Who are we kidding after all, both you and I know the day will finally come, haven you give it a thought? Of course, I didn't write this post just to tell you to think about the day you're going to die, I think we have a common understanding here that I don't care about other people except for myself. No kidding, it took a lot of effort, sweats and tears for me to learn how to be ignorant and selfish. No one is born evil, we just pick it up along the way. Hahaha. So in one of those sleepless nights, I thought to myself "what's next after I die?" "Will I be in Heaven?" "Is Heaven real?"

Hey hey hey, don't panic, I am not going to preach Jesus here. Your salvation is absolutely none of my concern. And I really mean it, do you think I care if you go to hell? Wait, let me close my eyes and seek my conscience a minute.... Ummm.........Nope. I don't really care.

Some people believe in Heaven, some people don't. Many people believe when they die, they will just be gone and become "nothing". And boy, it is very hard to illustrate "nothing", because there is literally nothing to illustrate. But hail to the Lord in one of those sleepless nights, I saw it. And I refuse to believe it. I refuse to believe that when I die, I will become "nothing". And I refuse to believe that when you die, you will become "nothing" too. If you'd see it my way, you'd do the same.

Do you remember where were you or what were you doing in 1889? Do you remember how the world was like that year? No you don't. Because you didn't exist during that time. But history told us that in 1889, there was an eclipse seen over parts of California on the 1st of January. The Coca-Cola company was founded the same year and Eiffel Tower opened for the first time in Paris. But where were you? During that year, Nitendo was founded and plenty of boys as pretty as Zac Efron played it, lived it, woman that sang like Mariah Carey also lived and boobs bigger than Pamela Anderson were. But we don't know their names and we don't know how pretty they looked, because in 1889, we were "nothing". We had no memory.

100 years later in 1989 as prophesied, I was born. I, like you guys, literally became "something" from "nothing". I am proud to say that I was nobody then, I am somebody now, not that I did something great but because I was born. I had missed 6000 years of civilisation, I missed 6000 years of Pamela Anderson and Zac Efron with different faces but the same quality. Today I am here, living and writing to you. And you Mr World, if you with all your genius is telling me today that my life here is going to last just another 50 years. And after that I will die and become nothing again. Exactly like what I used to be 100 years ago. If that is true, then I will really like to die now.

This life is not worth living if at the end of the day, we're all just gonna die and disappear into thin air. What's the point of living this life when suffering, challenging, hard earth life is the only thing we get. When I think with my head, it is already very hard to sum this earth and all that's in it into mere science. And it is even harder when I lay by the beach and see the stars in the night and the constellation in the sky. I cannot become nothing once again. When God decided to create me and make me me, I cannot just snap into thin air like I have never existed before.

The little twinkling star that you see at night, if you go close enough, it is really a freaking giant fireball. Science cannot procreate itself, God can. Therefore I believe God created me. And He intend for me to live on. You too.

The whole idea of God, some people find very hard to believe in. We always want to try to rationalize things out, turn everything explainable in science, and anything unexplainable with such we call it bullshit. Have it ever occurred to you, that we in all our intelligence, still there are certain things we just cannot comprehend, no matter how hard we try? No, because you are human and you think are smartest of all.

Let me put it this way, have you ever tried teaching a dog how to read? No, because you know dogs in all their genius and intelligence, JUST CAN'T READ. And you're right. So why is it so hard to believe that there are certain things we just cannot comprehend?

I hope I've painted you a picture with my 1000 words here. Don't believe the numbers? Count it dawwwwg.


Shin said...

First time commenting here (technically second but Streamyx screwed up and I have to type this again %$!@#$ I was saying...)

I was reading this post, so into it, feeling it..and then suddenly I see the DAWG picture and went AWWWWWWW.

Yep, that's my ADD at its best right there...

Andrew Ho said...


JaNice said...

brilliant post, like the way u've expressed urself! & i especially like this part: "why is it so hard to believe that there are certain things we just cannot comprehend?"
sighh we humans just refuse to believe we're not all that.

Girl With an Opinion said...

wow.. and i thought i was the only one that go through torturous moments like this when I suddenly feel so insicnificant compared to the BIG world.
But then I wake up and I know that I am born for a purpose and that I'm not just another statistics.
All glory to God!!

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