Hainan Nuffnang Cheque

Super Update: I have adjusted my blog to fit nicely into 16:9 widescreen monitors complying to the International Standard Group of Broadcasting (I know wtf). If you're using other screen size with even wider aspect ratio, it might not look so good.

I am 100% transparency

The kind of money I make from my blog, is the kind of money I wouldn't mind very much. Literally I think a beggar can earn more money with an empty tin than me blogging with a computer. That's why I think it's important to have a real job --------- like begging for money. And also that I shouldn't care about my readers, because my stats shows only 2% of you supported any advertisements on this blog. So the next time you click on any ads here, stop thinking like you're funding my education, my food, my clothes and indirectly making me a millionaire.

RHB must be very piss at me when I decided to close down my account by withdrawing it dry and leave it alone. With an atm machine that only disposes Rm50 notes, what are the odds for me to withdraw till Rm1.02 eh. If you think that's over RHB, I'm gonna take my card to a BSN machine and check my balance for fun, with the Rm1 deducted by meps, I will have 2 cents left for you. It's nothing personal, I just hate your logo.

I celebrated Malaysia's first case of H1N1 by having a bowl of very oily pork with fried rice.

I like to celebrate things, when your life feels like shit in every corner of it, the only way out is to start finding reasons to celebrate life. Like last Tuesday, I celebrated it because it's Tuesday.

I ate this Hainan Chicken Chop somewhere and f&*k, as a Hainanese, I am sure such things doesn't exist in our history. You know what Hainanese are famous for when a bunch of us came to SE Asia?

According to my family book, I came from the royal bloodline, the 31st generation on the record, originally resided in the Henan province, my ancestor were the uncles and relatives of Zhou Wen Wang the emperor, and we weren't destroyed until Qin Shi Huang the another emperor came and raped my ancestrial aunty. So technically I am your prince, bow to me you lowly humans and suck my dick until the end of ages.

Erm, teehee, according to my family book, we came from the Hainan Island. Because of the raging war and extreme poverty, my forefathers had decided to move from their roots and swam all the way to SE Asia. Our first "I am a f@#king immigrant blueprint" clearly stats that our main objective here is to control the economy and monopolize cum exploit every resources, people and land we settle on as also accused by everyone. Yeah, you're right at saying that, but so what, we monopolized your economy, and we put BN on the throne for 50 years, how do you think we are supposed to get rich without the help of BN? If they really wanted to help other races, we would have been poor a long time ago. BN is still today the no.1 chinese supporter. Hahahahahahha. And the first thing Hainanese are famous of were opening kopitiam and sell chicken rice.


So today, you can still find footprints of hainan kopitiam, hainan chicken rice, and hainan whatever in different places. Like this blog, it is a hainan blog. Until next time, bye bye.

Bonus Post

Whoever thinks I am boring to blog about some politics occasionally, you watch this video, and you tell me whether I should blog or not.





The shouting person is an OCPD. It's a kind of insect in Malaysia. And they like to shout while wearing a shirt saying "HEAD HUNTER!"




Insect: You want to fuck me? You want to fuck me? You really want to fuck me? I ask you last time, you want to fuck me? Okay, TANGKAP!

Demonstrating Citizen: I want to fuck you fuck you, I want to fuck you fuck you, you catch me also I want to fuck you.

While in jail: Sorry officer, can I make a phone call to my lawyer?

Good officer: Can can..... you like Nokia, Samsung or Sony Ericsson?

Demonstrating citizen: Mmmm, let me think first. You got what model?

Finally when lawyer arrived, stand at the gate: Cibai! Let me in! Why you don't let me see my Client? I am count by hour one, you don't let me see my client, how is she going to pay me!?

Insect come out: You want to fuck me? You want to fuck me, you really want to fuck me? I ask you last time, you want to fuck me? Okay, TANGKAP!

In Jail

Demonstrating Citizen: Oi, finally can see you liao, why you come into lockup like me.

Lawyer: I am count by hour one, we are sleeping here tonight, this time you sure bankrupt.


So, is an OCPD really an insect? Yes, and when it is fully grown, it will metamorphose into this.

The All About Me Page

Super Update: I have just pasted a youtube video at the end of this post. Zambry won in the court of appeal and I am tired of such political news.


People say as you grow older, you start to learn more about yourself and shape up your own personality and character. This is what I have learnt about myself so far. My doctor recommended me to write it out. He says it will help me progress to become a more mentally sound person. As I started writing, it became super damn long.

My non-photoshopped face looks roughly like this, double eyelids

Name: People call me Andrew but it is not my real/official name. My registered name in my Identity Card and Birth Certificate is Ho Yong Zhou. Andrew is the name my father called me since I was 4 years old, and then somehow it became my name. Only people who are very close to me call me by "Zhou". And I only answer to that name if I like the person. So if you are to ask me the question "what do I call you to show people that we are closer than the others", the answers will most likely be "Zhou" or "Is that a sun at the sky? Wow, it is so round! What did you say again?".


Gender: Male, and I do not have any plans to change.


Date of Birth: 18 April 1989, that makes me 20 years old this year.


Means of Birth: I was took out from my mother's womb through a caesarean section, my father thought I was a girl.


Religion: Brought up in Church.


Favourite Food: There is no such thing as a favourite food, there's only food we dislike. I don't eat certain things, and that certain things depend on how they are cooked. It's complicated. For example I don't eat pumpkin if you stir fry it. But I like it when you make it into pumpkin pie. I don't eat century egg, but when you are making Shang Hai Porridge, we would squash the century egg into the grain and mix it with oil, left it overnight to let the ammonia smell alike alkaline substance in the century egg soak into the grain, and that makes your grain really easy to cook the next morning. I like that, but I don't eat century egg raw, now do you realise how complicated food is? The only difference between me and a food critic is that I am not famous. I rarely say something taste good. Because food rarely taste so good unless you are eating in the Queens kitchen or you're super rich you make iron chef cook for you all the time. Things I definitely don't eat nomatter how they are cooked are chicken organs, pig liver, pig blood and things like that. Yuck.


Favourite Colour: Blue, Black, White, Red


Favourite Fruit: I see you haven learnt your lesson from Favourite Food yet.


Favourite Music and Songs: I have an acquired taste for Blues, Jazz, Country and Pop. I also listen to rock music on a selective basis. No hard rock. They are for depressed people.


Hobby/Favourite Movie/Favourite Actor/Favourite Whatever: Anything fun and decent. I like to try up new things or just do something I never did for kicks.


Siblings: One elder brother, one imaginary younger brother. But some people think it would be cool if I had a younger sister. They wonder how would she probably be like with a brother like me. They'd call her "Andrew's younger sister".


Level of Education: High.


Family Background: Average family. Not rich not poor, middle middle. Raised up in a strict family that believes in values like, always greet people when you go their house, always say thank you, don't simply honk, always fake a smile, don't shout cibai at people.


Family profile: Father studied until form 5 and then went to work in the civil service, mother studied until form 3 and then went to work in a factory that makes bra, then later also joined the civil service. Elder Brother study until now, doing masters in Chemical Engineering in University Malaya. Probably planning to study up till PHD, Professorship, Nobel Prize. The last time I read his journal last year. It wrote:



(3.29 AM) - I arrived at the above equation after solving my fluid model with integral transform method. This is the form of my PDE (Partial Differential Equations) after transforming it using the Laplace transform. Dr. Yeoh said perhaps this model can be solved analytically after he briefly scanned thru the article by Levenspiel. But as I solved it, I found out that this PDE cannot be solved analytically because the inverse of the Laplace is very complicated. I tried to solve it via Mathcad but to no avail. I think I'm just gonna tell him that it is not possible to solve this. Perhaps a numerical procedure will be better. For the IMC (Internal Model Control) part, I faced a little bit of difficulty because my system is a discrete one while most tuning correlations of IMC utilizes the continuous representations. Is there a way to derive the digital IMC in the framework of PID? I will try. I think the continuous ones can't work for my case because I'm afraid that the zeros are not correct.


I feel like narrating that with Mohinder Suresh's voice in "Heroes". I am still wondering why I did not score straight As in my STPM. Scoring Straight As is my family tradition. I am the dirty black sheep.


Sexual Orientation: Preferably ladies and human. Don't like aliens.


Relationship Status: Single, and will remain so in my profile/facebook/whatever social networking sites even if engaged in a relationship for privacy. There are some things we tell, there are some things we keep. You tell everyone everything, you are crazy.


Some Random Experiences: Have a brother who suffers from kidney failure when I was 12, almost died but luckily didn't, goes on regular dialysis. I always say, don't sympathize me, I have Jesus and He is enough. And I say that probably because I was hardcore church trained, spent an average of 12 hours in church here weekly doing this and that for a duration of 4 years unappreciated. Was bitter and needed therapy even after 2 years since my departure. The damn church is a damn "youth" church. Only one pastor and his wife running a group of naive teenagers.


Some Random Outcomes from Some Random Experiences: Made people say I am more mature than I should be during my younger years. Which isn't much of a compliment. Now luckily that I am older, it sort of even out. Learnt that life is precious. Learnt to put my faith and trust in God like you can't imagine. Learnt to appreciate. Learnt to move on. Learnt a lot about the Bible, God and Jesus I can tell you about Them forever. Learnt how to mingle with people. Learnt how to forgive the pastor which you once feel like killing. Learnt to believe in miracles and to live in it.


Near Future Plans: Continue my studies.


Summary: As people grow and experience more, how they think, act and view things also changes. I'm one of them and hopefully I will always change for better, taking every opportunity to learn from the best. And hopefully that happens to you too! =D


I listen to songs 99% of you didn't know exist, wanna bet? hee hah.

What Writers Do

Great writers are poor writers. None of them spent very much time writing a sci-fi novel or Harry Potter. Instead they hung out in the street, stood a night in the cold and in hunger, then went back to write how bad it is to be a beggar in the five foot way. Great writers are seldom acknowledged in the prime of their years. People usually wait until they turn either old or dead to suddenly decide he is good and should be remembered as a legend. So on the first day I learnt how to write, I decided not to be a great writer.


But God has a gift for me, just as He has for everyone else. Well, maybe not everyone, but if you have it, you will know. I guess it's time you know the difference between a gift and a talent. People who are talented learn things very fast. For example if someone is gifted in mathematics, you will find that he picks up maths and master it faster than the average student. Whatever you teach him, he got it instantly. So he is talented in maths. People who are gifted on the other hand, they don't learn very fast, as a matter of fact, they don't need to learn very much at all. The very first moment you hand him trigonometry, a shade of the answer has already appeared in his mind. He can roughly tell you there's a tangent or a cosinus in the answer. He is not talented in maths, he is gifted.


I didn't need to read a lot to know how to write, I didn't need a lot of Ernest Hemingway (famous writer) to grasp the essence that the art of writing is in its simplicity. There are many people like this out there. And they are doing everything else but writing. Because the world is no longer content with writers. They are replaced by ipods.


Every writer has their own little habit to keep their head focused when they write. I like to write deep in the night, when there is total silence. And I will play a song, something that goes well with my thoughts, and that song will be set in a replay mode, and it will keep on singing, until I finish writing. How about you? What is your favourite way or time to write in?


What you read earlier on is an introduction, an introduction to my content in the next paragraph. And they are written all the while when Michael Buble is singing "Me and Mrs. Jones" from my speakers. Here we go.....


Life, is not enough. That's why I believe in Heaven. In life, we don't get to choose, we don't have a choice. We don't get fairness and justice is always far. Some are born into wealth. While some are born into shit. There are some 20 year old who earned millions, along with the millions they also possess good looks, and when both of these qualities meet together, it seems like a good life.


When on the other side of the world, there are also some 12 year old, who are forced into prostitution. And because she lives in India, Aids is widespread and she got it too. Years later she finally got out of the industry, she is now 17 and she doesn't know how long it will be before she has to die. While others' life has just begun at this tender age, hers' is coming to an early end.


And there are a big part of us, lying in the middle of these two extreme. Some slightly better, the others worst. We give thanks we are not a part of the lower extreme, and fancy all the time to be on the top. Life, gentlemen, is not enough. I have said it once and I'll say it always, you got to learn how to take life with a smile, because before you knew it, it will come to an end. And it is not until then some of us started to think "Is this it?". Oh gentlemen, life, is not enough. We weren't given a choice how it should begin, neither are we given a choice to choose how it will end.


I swear I will make good what is in the middle between life and death, but I swear too, in the name of your god, that there must be something more after I took my last breathe. There got to be just this one time, where I get to choose. Because Life, .............

The End

And that's how things are written, just words. If you can captivate people and make them think with just mere words, then you must be either talented or gifted. There was a time where people who know how to write were sexy. And only good people know how to read them. Nowsaday, they are all replaced by ipods. God damn Machintosh. Goodnight!

Acer Latest Aspire Laptop

3 weeks ago

Like most people who think they belong to the better cultured and educated member of this society. We read Reader's Digest. And that was where it all began.....

It was a chilly Monday morning, I was fast asleep in bed, dreaming about sexy underage girls while humping my bolster when a noise awoke me. It was the sound of the motor rumbling from the postman's bike. I was served with the May's issue of Reader's Digest.

And it wasn't just any issue. This one features the Annual Reader's Digest Most Trusted Brand. A 100% voted by consumer survey which dramatically award good brands for their products.

And the No.1 laptop brand was given to Acer.

2 weeks ago

I called up my friend who managed to secure a part-time job in PC image, Kuchingnites favourite computer shop and asked if there were any good laptops. He told me there was this new line Acer aspire laptops that had just arrived hot from the factory. It was so new it is the only model that uses a DDR3 ram. It was so new I can't even find a review about it on the internet. It was so new they didn't even know what they were selling. But like all good sales person, we tell our customer ------ It is good.

So since I was a good friend. And also a member of the certified public accountant cheap people association. I could buy the laptop for Rm1919 at dealer price. Dealer price weren't supposed to go that low, market price should have been Rm2299, but well, let's just say Bill Gates didn't earn anything from me this time.

And so it happened. I bought an Acer Aspire 4736. Intel Core 2 Duo, 250 GB HDD, 1GB DDR3.

On the same day

I went home to flip on Reader's Digest while installing my OS. And on the same "Trusted Brand" section. I found that their:

BEST CAR BRAND - PROTON

BEST FUEL BRAND - PETRONAS

BEST COURIER BRAND - POS LAJU

BEST AIR COND BRAND - YORK

BEST COOKING OIL BRAND - CAP HELANG

BEST UNIVERSITY BRAND - USM

AND THE REST - IS HISTORY

I felt a sudden dizziness and my room began to spin then slowly darken. I did not know what happened next. But when I woke up. The only words I could read and remember were "Your Windows XP is ready for use...."

And that was the day I bought Acer

They didn't even bother to stick the warranty sticker properly. It didn't seal up anything.

2 Days After That

W: Why you buy Acer? Buy Toshiba Fujitsu.

Andrew: Acer is good

W: Acer is nooooooo goooooood

Andrew: You are evil, your Toshiba will be striked by lightning, the lightning will come from your window, and strike at your Toshiba directly 3 times. Your warranty can't even cover that because at the end of it, it will become Acer.

W: Ok.



The Present Day

Don't be so melodramatic la. Give love a chance. You should hope my computer stays good or else I will have to use my dick to blog. Which is impossible (for now). I am unsubcribing Reader's Digest next month, for real.

Silent Keyboard and handy buttons, webcam optimized for low light video cum cyber sex in a dark room. These are the things I fell for. I am cheap.