Thursday, February 12, 2009

Studio 60 On The Sunset Strip

If I were given a choice to be whatever I want, I will surely choose to be a comedian. Even better if I were to have my own show. Something like 'The Late Show with David Letterman', 'The Daily Show with Jon Stewart or perhaps "The Andrew Ho Show". That however is not a dream that is common in Malaysia. Because in here, everybody dreams pretty superficially, we either dream to be a movie star, to be very rich by doing nothing or to be a corrupted politician who defected to Barisan Nasional.

A sense of humour is one of the greatest gift I could have ever prayed for. It is almost as awesome as my unprecedented charm and good looks. Now if you are offended by what I've just said as in "you feel that I'm cocky, proud or plain stupid by bragging about my ugly face claiming it as stunning great luring tempting irresistible charm", then you don't have the gift of "a sense of humour". Because in humour, we throw our senses away, we become nonsense. If you let emotions and rational take over, it won't be funny anymore.

Some people think when they are reading Andrew Ho, they will know Andrew Ho. That is a lot of crap. You don't learn nothing about me from what I write. Shakespeare wrote a hundred over sonnets describing the beauty of boys, boyhood and whatever hood there is left nay he isn't gay at all. He had a wife, who separated with him eventually for reasons unknown, but well, he didn't have sex with a boy, I'm sure he is as clean as Anwar and Michael Jackson.

When I write, I am in character. There is a writing style I practice and picked up after an overdose of talk shows. I call it "the colloquial". It's very informal, it's very conversational. When I write, I don't want to lose style and quality at the same time I don't want to relate to people who can think very sophisticatedly only, or people who has 3 PHD (Pretty Huge Dick) and are very smart academician who thinks very highly of their intellect and their oversized brain. No, I want to talk to everyone. Like the backstreet boys, I don't care who you are, where you're from, don't care what you do as long as you love me. And when I am in character I can be nuts. But what I write does not reflect me in real life, you don't get me in real life here. This is a free blog. You come here cheap cheap, you go away cheap cheap, cheap cheap for you, cheap cheap for me. I know some of you don't understand what it means when someone says he is in character. It simply means you're pretending to be someone which is not totally you. A part of you, but not all. Not even half. Like actors playing an act.

See, it's not easy to joke when you are really you. It's like let's say I am not Andrew, but I am this guy call James Bond, the first thing I'll do is go out and have sex with all the virgins in this land. And whoever isn't please with it, I will kill him. But I can't do that now because I am not James Bond. I don't have the license to kill. So if you want to joke, you have to be brave, brave enough to set aside your identity and embrace a character, the sense of humour in you. It's not easy, it's something you have to learn and developed. Personalities are shaped not born. But everything will be a lot more fun with a little laughter. Let alone work, studies or real shitty situations.

I live everyday through jokes, if I don't make fun about something a day, I will die immediately. I make racist jokes, I make sexist jokes, I make all kinds of jokes. And I can tell you that the best jokes are always offensive. When you are careful enough to pick your audience, you won't have to worry about getting beat up. You can be an Indian friend, walk in the room and I would just stare at you and say "whyyy youuuu wantttt tooooo becomeeee Indiannnn, youuu wantttt toooo eattttt rotiii prataaaa foreverrrrr isssss ittttttt?" Then you the Indian friend shall look back at me and say "the same reason you have a short dick, no choice".

And that ladies and germs, is a good joke!

I call this the gallery of my unprecedented good looks and the whole world disrespectfully disagree


casey_loo said...

Not trying to mean anything, but i somehow sensed tat u r rather a sentimental guy, and also emotional, but rational person, of course. :)

today i m suhana said...

didnt manage to read your lenghty over narrated post, but the pic reminded me of nobita. all u need is a spec and there u go!!! :P

Anonymous said...

you look cute!

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