Lemons & Lemonades

Sometimes in life I turn my head around and envy some of the people around me, especially peers who has notably higher achievement than I do. Those whom I think had a better life, who had better opportunities, who are more capable or intelligent. I don't really get jealous, it's more like an admiration in a subtle way.

And for always I have never asked myself or wondered if there are others who think the same way about me. Well I guess maybe not, I've got nothing to be envied of. You must be thinking I have a very low self-esteem. Well let's just say that ship has sailed. Let me put it this way, the last time Satan dropped by to collect my soul, I gave him my self-confidence, self-esteem and dignity instead. I figured those are the things that are pretty useless in life and I don't need it.


A man should speak up straight and stand upright when he knows he is doing the right thing. Irregardless of the opinions and judgement of the crowd. Logic, truth and rationale should come first before emotions. That to me is confidence. Self-esteem is not what others think about you. It is how you wake up in the morning and look yourself in the mirror. Dignity is not how much respect I've garnered from people, it is how much I have given. It is how many times I realized I have been wrong and apologize. It is how many times I know others have wronged me and how I forgive.




Big words like these are not self-explanatory. Even the dictionary doesn't elaborate it to you. And we can spend a lifetime wondering what they really are. I for one let Satan picked it away from me. Confidence, dignity and such as are not things you can keep in your pocket like a key or a wallet. Neither can it be boosted up with material things with let's take for example an expensive cellphone. You suddenly take an HTC cum Apple cum Blackberry out, and your confidence level raises up because you know you are using a cool gadget. That is cheap confidence. Because anyone else can pick up an iphone or better things. But not everyone can speak up straight and stand upright to do what he perceive is right, for what he believes is true.


So what's the deal about me saying I don't need to keep confidence with me. Is it just some kind of witty expression? Now this is logic, the only real power I have, the rest are my imaginations. If you my baby, let the abstract confidence that you think exist in your mind shape up your action, you are weak. And there will be many things you can't do. You will find yourself with a lot of phobias. You will find yourself with a lot of limitations because there will always be a still small voice speaking to you in the head saying "you are not good enough, you are embarrassing yourself, you don't have enough confidence". And that is not good. The only way to be truly confident is to set aside the whole idea of confidence itself and let action dictates.


However life is too short to think about confidence, self-esteem or how big your balls are. The world is not all about competition. Who is the winner or who is the loser. It's about life. When life give you lemons, you make lemonade. Why turn your head around and envy again? Hahaha....